Anniversary in a few days
Aloha!
Don't know what's going on with me and my husband lately but he seems to just keep to him self. When he comes home he buries him self in his laptop all evening. And if I watch a movie / show with him he won't interact with me, will sit on the far side of the couch. I will try to lean on him, lay my head on him, poke him, make faces at him, ... no reaction. If we go to the beach together he will literally spend a max of 5 mins with me and then go off and go kite boarding or surfing, etc, and ask me to pick him up later. He'll either stay up till 3 or 4 in the morning and then get up late for work, or he'll come home from work and then crash, then get up in the middle of the night because he went to bed too early. So we aren't even sleeping on the same schedule. He hasn't been very affectionate to me. Will kiss me goodbye in the morning but will be the most minimal kiss, his lips don't even form the kissy face. There's no love in that!! And the irritating part is he still wants me to walk him out the door when leaves. I told him the other day I didn't want to do that anymore because when I started doing it back in the day it was out of love, it was a gift. NOW, he will stand there irritated, waiting for me to drop everything I'm doing and walk him out the door!! WTH! Like he's royalty?? Sorry but I don't feel like he deserves it. Another odd thing.... when we were dating we used to read the Bible and pray together pretty much every day. We didn't live together so sometimes we had to skype to do it. Most of it was his idea and he told me that when we get married he wants us to read through the whole Bible and be disciplined about it. I was like, "This sounds like a challenge, but sure!" When we got married we didn't read every day, but we still read and prayed a lot. Well over the years it has wavered depending on what was going on. Like when we were working on the house, and when we moved, etc. But anyway, recently he hasn't shown any interest in reading with me. He'll say, "Sure! Be right there!" By the time he gets off his laptop it's already 10 pm and I'm falling asleep! I brought EVERYTHING up to him a few weeks ago. He said he would fix it and work on making things better, but I see nothing has changed. Our anniversary is in a few days...... he hasn't mentioned anything about it yet. I don't even feel excited about celebrating it anymore. Feeling bummed...... :(
Don't know what's going on with me and my husband lately but he seems to just keep to him self. When he comes home he buries him self in his laptop all evening. And if I watch a movie / show with him he won't interact with me, will sit on the far side of the couch. I will try to lean on him, lay my head on him, poke him, make faces at him, ... no reaction. If we go to the beach together he will literally spend a max of 5 mins with me and then go off and go kite boarding or surfing, etc, and ask me to pick him up later. He'll either stay up till 3 or 4 in the morning and then get up late for work, or he'll come home from work and then crash, then get up in the middle of the night because he went to bed too early. So we aren't even sleeping on the same schedule. He hasn't been very affectionate to me. Will kiss me goodbye in the morning but will be the most minimal kiss, his lips don't even form the kissy face. There's no love in that!! And the irritating part is he still wants me to walk him out the door when leaves. I told him the other day I didn't want to do that anymore because when I started doing it back in the day it was out of love, it was a gift. NOW, he will stand there irritated, waiting for me to drop everything I'm doing and walk him out the door!! WTH! Like he's royalty?? Sorry but I don't feel like he deserves it. Another odd thing.... when we were dating we used to read the Bible and pray together pretty much every day. We didn't live together so sometimes we had to skype to do it. Most of it was his idea and he told me that when we get married he wants us to read through the whole Bible and be disciplined about it. I was like, "This sounds like a challenge, but sure!" When we got married we didn't read every day, but we still read and prayed a lot. Well over the years it has wavered depending on what was going on. Like when we were working on the house, and when we moved, etc. But anyway, recently he hasn't shown any interest in reading with me. He'll say, "Sure! Be right there!" By the time he gets off his laptop it's already 10 pm and I'm falling asleep! I brought EVERYTHING up to him a few weeks ago. He said he would fix it and work on making things better, but I see nothing has changed. Our anniversary is in a few days...... he hasn't mentioned anything about it yet. I don't even feel excited about celebrating it anymore. Feeling bummed...... :(
Replies
SWEETHEART, I AM SO SAD TO HEAR THIS, YOU 2 TALK AND PRAY AND DON\'T LET ANYTHING MAKE YOU UNHAPPY, WORK HARD AND PRAY HARD FOR YOUR MARRIAGE, TALK, ASK HIM WHAT WRONG, WHY HE IS BEHAVING IN SUCH WAY, SEE I KEPT SILENT AND PRETENDED TO BE HAPPY AND NOW I AM PAYING BY BEING LONELY AND DESPISING HIM, ALL I WANT IS TO SEPARETE.
MARRIED LIFE ITS NOT EASY, BUT LOVE IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR, I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND ,FOR HEALING AND LOVE BETWEEN YOU TWO, BE STRONG AND TRUST \'\'THE LORD\'\' BRING THE SITUATION TO THE \'CROSS\', HOPE TO HEAR SOON AND ALL GOOD NEWS, BLESSINGS ,PEACE, JOY, IN \'\'THE LORD JESUS\'\' ,LOVE LUCY**
Update:
Asked him to go to the beach with me yesterday (as soon as he got off work) so we can have some time together. He agreed. As soon as we got there, we started talking about these issues how he\'s always going after his own interests, working hard, but makes time to surf and kite board, but makes no time for me, and minimal interaction with me, not affectionate / loving, etc.... and it ended up in a big argument, right there at the beach. In the water he didn\'t even want to swim next to me. He stayed away from me. I told him that he has to put in the work to this marriage. We aren\'t roomates or friends. We are husband and wife. He said, \"That\'s bullshit!\"
When we got home I gave him some space and time to think about what we talked about. I took a shower and sat in the living room made out a grocery list and looked up a recipe while he sat in the bedroom. A little later I came in the bedroom to ask him a question about dinner and if he wanted to come grocery shopping with me. He took me in his arms and told me he was sorry for arguing with me. Then he made love to me.
He was supposed to work on his chemistry video some more (for his class) but he decided to go shopping with me. I\'m hoping this means things will be changing, but we\'ll see. I\'ll talk to him again later and ask him what he thought about our discussion. He apologized but never gave me a reply about it... something like, \"I\'ll spend more time with you, I\'ll be more affectionate..... \" etc etc.
THank you for sharing something so private, I have a daughter ,she is an only child and she is 32, so I am very protective, what happened to me is terrible and I don\'t want to see anybody hurt, and next time he goes away go with him, see I trusted h when I was young but I was nave an blind, he cheated, so be wise .
Its good that you talked , see how he behaves , life is too short to waste time on silence or arguing , I pray that you both get close to the \'\'LORD\'\' pray together ,evil is always lurking around to destroy us and our loved ones, make sure you are close to \'\'THE LORD JESUS\'\' bless the house, bless the bed, yes even the bed, and his clothes, there is a \'SCRIPTURE\'\' I prayed for nearly 3 years, I wanted to know the truth, \'\'LORD YOU SAID THAT THERE IS NOTHING COVERED THAT SHALL NOT BE UNCOVERED\'\' ,YOU CAN PRAY IT TOO if you feel that there is something Jeff is not telling you, you look so in love in the photos keep the flame burning..
THE LORD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU IN HIS LOVE, PEACE, JOY, I BIND ANY DEMON THAT IS TRYING TO CAUSE TROUBLE IN YOUR MARRIAGE AND ASK FOR WARRIOR ANGELS TO SURROUND YOU AND JEFF, IN JESUS NAME I ASK AND PRAY, OUR SAVIOUR ANDDELIVERAR, LOVE LUCY***
My husband pulls that stuff with me sometimes: acting distant, uninterested, doesn\'t help around the house, etc. and it makes me feel so alone and depressed. But I know if I say anything he will get mad and defensive. So I try to suggest that we do something together, even if it\'s just dinner and a movie, it helps us reconnect. I never realized marriage would be this hard, when we were dating we couldn\'t get enough of each other. Maybe it just comes with living together and the day to day monotony. It\'s so important to appreciate each other. I would say go out for an awesome dinner, or plan a day trip, something where you two can really reconnect. I wish you two a very happy anniversary.
I hear you, Sadie, thank you for sharing ... I thought going to the beach with him would help. And you\'re right, when I brought it up to him he was very defensive. Immediately said something like, \"So you\'re basically saying I\'m a failure.\" I never said that. Just pointed out some things and was hoping we could fix them or he could tell me what was bothering him. But men always seem to think if something is wrong it means they\'re a failure. SIGH! So frustrating!
He has a week off coming up soon before he starts the fall semester. I\'m looking forward to spending some time together. I really hope he wants to make plans for \"us\" and not a bunch of activities of his own interests like surfing, kite boarding, etc.
Thanks for your support! I really appreciate it!