Angry
Angry and frustrated this morning. After the realtor came by on Monday T gave me a big hug and told me he was sad about the house and "that if it makes me feel better, he's pretty sure he's making a big mistake." I said "yeah well literally everyone we know thinks you're making a big mistake" and he said "well I haven't actually DONE anything yet" (Meaning filing for divorce? I don't know. Apparently breaking my heart doesn't count as a thing.) And then he acted flirty with me the rest of the night until I told him he was being confusing and he apologized and said he "didn't mean to give me the wrong impression."
So what the hell do I do with that. And then last night he started talking to me about a party we are each going to for a friend on Sunday. About how he hoped I wouldn't cause scene and embarass him in front of his friends. Which is infuriating. Is that all I am after 16 years? A source of potential embarassment? Yes that would be horrible for him. I mean, not as horrible as him shattering every illusion I had about who I am or what my life is/was.
I have no intentions of causing a scene - I'm not going there to be with him. I'm going because it's my friends bday and I have a cousin who is also going that I intend to hang out with there. I'm mad and hurt, and mad at him that I let him make me cry today. So I needed to write this to vent. Sorry for all the negativity.
Replies
Seriously after 16 years you deserve to make a scene if you need to. Everyone except for him seems to understand ending a marriage is a big deal!
Of course for your sanity I would recommend keeping it together and have fun and not give him the benefit of seeing you fall apart.
And it's ok to cry. I cried this morning when I ran into my son's karate teacher and I was telling her about my situation. It is hard....
You're not being negative-you're being honest and I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. My stbx has sent me confusing signals at one point too. I think its to reduce their guilt. Go to the party and enjoy yourself-just don't define the experience based on what does or doesn't say or do.
Vent away! It really does help! I am sorry that u are getting that from him. Maybe he is realizing he made a huge mistake! But you can't live your life going up and down. Do what is in your heart. Make your choice....as had as it may be...and live life how you dictate not by how he does. You have fun at that party!
Thanks guys. He apologized very sincerely this morning and I'm afraid I wasn't very forgiving. I told him I don't want him to feel bad but I can't tell him its ok because that would be a lie. He said I'm still very important to him and he didn't act like that yesterday. I told him yesterday was no different from any day in the last few months where he has decided that him having fun is more important than anything else, which is his choice. I feel mean saying it but that's how I feel. Ugh I'm having a bad day at work too. Good thing I have you guys on here (Plus my therapist appointment tonight haha)