Anger Management
I've been watching myself get angry lately, particularly because I've been struggling with the question, "What do I do with my emotions when they're reeling?" From everything I've read, it's OK to feel the emotions, but not always OK to act out of them. For example, if you're trying to clear up a frustrating billing question, it's not OK to yell at the person you're dealing with. One must act out of detachment.
So I've been having a frustrating couple of days. I've been pretty crabby about it too! But as I've dealt with problem-solving, I've taken the approach "polite but direct". For example, yesterday I picked up the car from being fixed & asked if our AAA discount was applied as verbally promised. "It doesn't look like it," said the man. "Can you adjust it, please?" I asked. "No, only the owner can do that," said the man. (I'm figuring the owner was not on the premises; but I'm not leaving without my car & without the discount.) "Can he adjust it, then?" I asked, calmly. So the man calls the owner, figures out the discount & I'm on my merry way (in spite of waiting a loooong time to even get to this point).
I think the exception to dealing with my anger cooly has been my son's bickering. But I do see myself thinking, "Do not be baited into a fight. This is his issue." Progress!
Today, I had a serious issue to deal with my son. I discovered the problem after he left for school & I was mad as all heck! Then I began to plan what I was going to say. I even researched some of my talking points to give some weight to my concerns. When I spoke to him after school, I was sooo calm & soft-spoken, but firm. He wants to talk more about it later, so I said OK. Hopefully he will not try to pick a fight; we'll see.
As I'm reflecting on all this, I've come to the realization that to deal with my anger, I need to come from the mindset of "deal with it professionally". I've certainly done that plenty of times with company billing errors & that sort of thing. I always start out polite but firm, and if the issue is not resolved, it's elevated (rather than escalated) to the next level. 95% of the time the problem is resolved (the other 5%, I decide not to spend any more energy on it & let it go).
So "professionalism" is the word...
So I've been having a frustrating couple of days. I've been pretty crabby about it too! But as I've dealt with problem-solving, I've taken the approach "polite but direct". For example, yesterday I picked up the car from being fixed & asked if our AAA discount was applied as verbally promised. "It doesn't look like it," said the man. "Can you adjust it, please?" I asked. "No, only the owner can do that," said the man. (I'm figuring the owner was not on the premises; but I'm not leaving without my car & without the discount.) "Can he adjust it, then?" I asked, calmly. So the man calls the owner, figures out the discount & I'm on my merry way (in spite of waiting a loooong time to even get to this point).
I think the exception to dealing with my anger cooly has been my son's bickering. But I do see myself thinking, "Do not be baited into a fight. This is his issue." Progress!
Today, I had a serious issue to deal with my son. I discovered the problem after he left for school & I was mad as all heck! Then I began to plan what I was going to say. I even researched some of my talking points to give some weight to my concerns. When I spoke to him after school, I was sooo calm & soft-spoken, but firm. He wants to talk more about it later, so I said OK. Hopefully he will not try to pick a fight; we'll see.
As I'm reflecting on all this, I've come to the realization that to deal with my anger, I need to come from the mindset of "deal with it professionally". I've certainly done that plenty of times with company billing errors & that sort of thing. I always start out polite but firm, and if the issue is not resolved, it's elevated (rather than escalated) to the next level. 95% of the time the problem is resolved (the other 5%, I decide not to spend any more energy on it & let it go).
So "professionalism" is the word...
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