Angel Day 3
We have survived 3 whole years without Lisa. I am still stunned that she isn't here.
It was really good to have Andrew (our son) here today. He is down right now as it is, and being Lisa's Angel Day has only made him feel more depressed.
I had candles burning this morning and thought about the good times and remembered some of the not so great times. I cried when I thought about my beloved granddaughter without the mom who loved her beyond belief.
We were invited to dinner with our neighbors. Les called and invited us and told us that if we were not up to going they would totally understand. She said that she would like to 'get to know Lisa', if we were up to talking about her. I was so happy to know that someone actually WANTED me to talk about her!
I took along a book of photos that Joe had made shortly after Lisa died (some of you may have seen it at the retreat). I felt good introducing her to Les and Jack. On top of that, we were served a wonderful rack of lamb dinner. We laughed and I cried. Andrew had to leave early as he got quite emotional.
I know Andrew will be fine but it hurts me to see him so down. Hopefully they will get his antidepressants regulated. Andrew has an artistic personality, so is often on top of the world or in the depths of despair.
So all in all it was an okay day. But I sure wish I had no clue about angel days.
Lisa: I miss you so much today, and I know that a lot of others are missing you too. I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
It was really good to have Andrew (our son) here today. He is down right now as it is, and being Lisa's Angel Day has only made him feel more depressed.
I had candles burning this morning and thought about the good times and remembered some of the not so great times. I cried when I thought about my beloved granddaughter without the mom who loved her beyond belief.
We were invited to dinner with our neighbors. Les called and invited us and told us that if we were not up to going they would totally understand. She said that she would like to 'get to know Lisa', if we were up to talking about her. I was so happy to know that someone actually WANTED me to talk about her!
I took along a book of photos that Joe had made shortly after Lisa died (some of you may have seen it at the retreat). I felt good introducing her to Les and Jack. On top of that, we were served a wonderful rack of lamb dinner. We laughed and I cried. Andrew had to leave early as he got quite emotional.
I know Andrew will be fine but it hurts me to see him so down. Hopefully they will get his antidepressants regulated. Andrew has an artistic personality, so is often on top of the world or in the depths of despair.
So all in all it was an okay day. But I sure wish I had no clue about angel days.
Lisa: I miss you so much today, and I know that a lot of others are missing you too. I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
Replies
I am sad that this is a day you ever had to observe.....time does not heal all wounds....it just doesn\'t. It is a difficult adjustment to get back into the routine of things...like such things as laughing. It never feels quite right. I feel for Andrew. He sounds much like Brandon who was creative and had that \"artistic personality\".....I pray that Andrew will be okay. I also hope you will be able to get through this time with many good memories of Lisa with those around you who are supportive and kind. God bless you...love, dale...brandon\'s mom
When I read, \"I\'d like to get to know Lisa\", my heart just swelled!!! OH that someone wants to know our children!! Wants to sit and listen to the stories some others may have grown tired of hearing!! What a gift!! I\'ve told many family members, \"you have new stories to tell, and I love hearing them....but I have no new stories and must tell the same ones over and over...and I NEED to tell them\". It\'s almost better telling strangers, because you can see the emotion of excitement and learning and feel the newness of telling stories about your child for the first time. Sometimes when I\'m talking to family I feel they are only half listening...
I know the day was an emotional roller coaster for all of you, and I\'m sorry Andrew wasn\'t able to stay through the whole get together, but am so proud he came and he knew his limitations and left when it was right for him. So, KUDOS to Andrew!
I loved looking at Lisa\'s photo\'s and hope you will bring them to the next retreat as well!
Love you!
Love Lisa!
Your first sentence resonates SO very deeply for me. Stunned is the word...
It feels as if you celebrated and honored Lisa in many ways. Dear Andrew... Doing his best and wondering how it could be possible that he is navigating this life without his sister in it? Lisa, a major puzzle piece for him and one who knows all his stories and even secrets too that siblings share.
You navigated the day Marlene, and I\'m sure your neighbor was delighted to get to know your amazing daughter. I cannot think of a more wonderful thing to say and do for a parent who has lost a child. This is one I will tuck away in my heart and always remember.
Loving care to you and a huge exhale... Twelve months before the next one and thank goodness for some time in-between for respite and healing.
Tight hugs,
Joanie
How wonderful to spend the day with epople who wanted to know Lisa and love her now....
Yes, you summed it up nicely...we can\'t believe we\'ve been without our beloved children for so long...but time marches on whether we want it to or not....I am so happy you have such wonderful neighbors who want to hear about Lisa...people come into our lives for a reason. I think they were just what you needed...my thoughts and hugs are with you today...Love, Connie
You have wonderful neighbors. I have yet to meet someone -- even family -- that wanted me to talk about Jason. Mostly Jason is never mentioned and that hurts more than anything because it\'s as if they want to forget about him.
Sending hugs,, Terry
I can\'t help but love your neighbors - to be so kind to you and willing to talk about your daughter, Lisa. How wise you were to take the picture album.
Much love,
Leda
Dear Marlene, I am so happy for you that your neighbors had the sensitivity to understand that you WANT to talk about LIsa. Like others here, seems people just get tired of hearing about our kids. Like Teri said, they have new stories to share, maybe new grandchildren etc. But we don\'t have any new memories, no new stories to share, no new photos. Thank God for the people that understand that we must cling to our memories. They are far and few to find. And yes, including family! I feel for you about Andrew. My son, Jason, is also very artistic and I just don\'t understand what it is about them. Like Andrew, Jason is either very \"up\" or very down. There have been many studies done concerning the links between creativity and mood disorders. No concrete answers. I just think they think outside of the realms that others do. Who knows? I know the anniversaries are hard but I remember two things that were told to me and that I cling to. One is that the anticipation of an event is usually harder than the event itself. And also that a day is just another number, that we miss our children no more or no less on the \"day\" than any other day of the year. Hugs, Belinda
I think Andrew might be Jewish? We all, in my family, are extreme in our emotional responses....it\'s very ethnic. Well, there you are without your lovely daughter, and I, without my beloved son. Three years to come in March. We are very brave and loving people. love you, Abby
Hi Marlene,
Marlene, that was a real blessing to have had someone that you could talk about Lisa to...bless your neighbor\'s heart, for being willing to \"go there.\" I think you have a \"keeper\" there! Glad the day was overall gentle for you. Sorry to hear that Andrew is feeling very down. I hope that soon he will be feeling better. Sometimes people can have more of a delayed reaction to grief, too.
Love to you and Lisa, Donna
What a special neighbor/friend you have to actually invite you to talk about your Lisa. What a way to honor your daughter. It\'s wonderful that your son, Andrew could also be there with you. Thank you for sharing your precious day with us. Your friend.....Vicki
A day to remember Lisa among friends who really want to hear about her and learn about her. That is wonderful. Hoping Andrew finds some happiness in the day as well.
Sorry I missed this!! Hugs!!
We all have our way to grieve. I read Alyssa\'s FB page, her thoughts while trimming the tree. Her words were full of tears. Missing a sibling is not easy, men hold things in till it explodes.
Hopeing you get to spend quality time with Andrew, those children still on earth we worry about more so....
Hugs Penny