And thus begins our quest for a "relationship" again...

When I finally feel like I've got the dough under control, what do I look for?  A woman lol.  Weddings are great, because you see a wide variety of women, in various physical and emotional types, and you really begin to see what you're looking for, what you want (and don't want).  Certainly, I want to be with someone who LIKES to dance, LIKES to be physical, LIKES to be a bit of a party animal, and finds me attractive, of course.  My ex was a complete prude, didn't want to dance, didn't want to have a drink, didn't want to do anything, just liked to sit there like a nerd and look pretty, deeply in her own comfort zone, and, while she was happy there, I was NOT happy there--I was bored!  Maybe she's shy, maybe she has her own social anxiety issues.  This was very touching and charming at first, when we first met, but as the months slipped by, it became painfully obvious that it wasn't where I want to be.
SOOO...the flip-side of the "party animal" mentality, assuming I hit it off with someone is:  How can I trust her?  How can she trust me?  With so much other eye-candy around, so many more exciting, stimulating, stronger, better-endowed people, how do we really know that we're with the right person?  I guess it's finding some value, some substance, both physical and emotional, that makes us value each other above and beyond anyone else.  It's got to be a really strong bond, for both of us.  Can't do the "wishy washy" thing.  I've got to know that I want her and only her, and she's got to know that she wants me and only me.  Gotta start talking, build that bond, express exactly those things "you're more beautiful than anyone else here".  And LAUGHTER.  Being with someone who is genuinely FUNNY is just as important, if not more so, than physical attraction, although the physical attraction has to be there too; otherwise we're "just friends" but wasting our time by "trying" to be romantic.
STRENGTH seems to be a recurring theme here.  I like to work out, I like to exercise my mind, I like to exercise my spirit by listening to Christian radio and exploring spiritual dogma.  According to Christ, however, there is strength...in SUBMISSION...to him, to the woman I'm with...a certain vulnerability.  Therefore, one mustn't be afraid of getting hurt, but rather, plunge into the possibility of getting hurt wholeheartedly.  Because, in the possibility of getting hurt is the possibility of getting loved.  And love is what we all so richly desire.  Love is what makes life whole.  (sigh)  It starts with the Big Man, God himself, and descends to his supposedly only begotten, pure son, JC, then descends to each and every one of us, who "slay" our "sins", our flesh desires, in the interest of hanging out with Him.  Gotta spend time with those dudes every day, loving THEM, making THEM the priority.  It brings a certain peace, a certain stability, which can then be transposed into any relationship, act as a barometer for my own feelings, keep my own feelings in check when they get out of control.  Pin it on the cross, and everything will turn out just fine.  I will trust myself, and I will trust others, or at least trust that, whatever their motivation is, I have a higher love and a higher power, calling to fall into, or aspire to.