And there I go again...

      So here is my life suffering with Hypersomnia: For some reason I've started to get up really late again, or should I say because I am getting worse, more depressed. I went to bed last night around 11pm and only woke up at 5pm today. And the part that sucks the most is that I won't be able to sleep tonight and I will fall back into my messed up sleeping schedule when I sleep at day and up at night. What to do? My former pdoc gave me meds to help me wake up but he wants me to take the meds at 8am to feel awake at 9am. Now, what the hell am I going to do all day starting at 9am??? I don't want to wake up at 8am, neither 9am, I want to wake up at 11am or 12pm. Never earlier than that. So I don't take the meds. Right now I am not able to engage myself in any activities, or have any responsabilities. I am not ready to go back to work and school will only start in the fall (another issue, but let's leave that for later). So, while I hear most bipolar people complain of not being able to get any sleep, I find myself in the opposite corner, trying to be up! In one way or the other just seems like we'll have to deal with a problem, or should I say, many problems doesn't matter which ones. It just feels like we don't get a brake. And...man...we sooooo diserve a break! It's over 10pm now, my hubby it's passed out in the couch and usually I would wake him up now and head together to bed but not tonight. I am wide awake and heading for a shower in a bit. Another thing, I am obsessed with feeling clean...I cannot go a day without a shower like many people in depression, doesn't matter how low I am the obsession will take over me and I won't be able to stop thinking about it or feel confortable in my own skin, just like right now.  So, cause it's really getting to me I will be taking off now and heading to a very hot shower, but will be back afterwards since not sleeping tonight!!!