And The Truth Comes Out

Last week was a rough one as I was busy getting ready for my boyfriends dad's birthday party. My stress level was high as I have never put on a large party like this before. Thank goodness a dear friend of mine was helping me and she has done many. Tim was no help through it at all we had some good times but he was still finding ways to sneak out of the house every night and at that point I had no idea why.

Well on saturday night he had gone to bed and his phone rang at midnight. I got worried so went in to make sure everything was ok. He was still on the phone, hid it under his leg and tried lying his way out of the situation.  Needless to say I jumped his case and would not allow it. Made him hang up and talk to me. I then found out he had planned on telling me on Monday he was moving out and that he has been seeing another woman. Nice huh? But wait it gets even better, she is 30 years old, he will be 59 on September 7th, she is also a drug addict who has been in treatment 5 times and is going back in, court ordered. I looked at him and said OMG you are such a selfish fool. Told him you are old enough to be her father do you honestly think it is going to last? And how are you going to like being a daddy again? Oh she does not want kids he says, I laughed and said Tim she is using and has no idea what she wants and I can almost guarantee you that it will happen since neither of you are fixed. Then proceeded to tell him how bad this is for his own recovery. Then I got selfish and demanded answers about why, what had I done wrong, what is wrong with me that men can not love me? His answer was it has nothing to do with you it is all me. Called BS on that one. So then he throws my fibro at me and how he can not handle waiting for the other shoe to fall. I informed he that he had yet to even deal with my fibro since I have not flared since last September 24th. Plus I could throw the same excuses back at him, waiting for him to drink again, waiting for him to get blood clots again and waiting for the thing they put in his chest to help control the blood clots to break like they say is happening on TV with them. Next he informs me he is not moving in with her but into another womans house who is also recovering and has her ex-son-in-law and grandson living in the house. I said have you checked it out? How is her recovery coming? Does the son-in-law drink or use anything? Great so now I have 2 women to fight against. You see I have seen the man he can be if he so chooses and that man is a wonderful and happy man. Once I got healthy again he got scared and felt he was not needed so he ran instead of talking like we had promised each other we would do if issues arose. By this time it was after 2 am and we had his dads party the next day so he went to bed. I was up until 6:30 and up again at 8:30. I got up went to him and put my hands on his shoulders and said ok Today is dads day she is out of it completely no hiding and texting or calling her, he agreed. I then said and after the rest is our time as we have a lot to discuss. He never talked to her that day or night, instead she had a guy friend text Tim, I said nope same difference no intteruptions, he said ok. 

The party went fantastically and Tim was a wonderful help through out it all. During the entire day I was praying for guidance for when I was alone with him when we were walking down the hall towards the apartment I felt a calm come over me. We walked in I put away the things that needed to go in the freezer or fridge and then it was time. We each sat in our chairs and I started talking. I do not know where the words came from other then God was talking through me. I did not yell cry or scream, I just calmly explained to him my thoughts how I felt so betrayed by him as he had opened up a new hope in me for a better future as he had promised me things that we were going to do, things were going to have like all new furniture, a new bigger place to live. Also how he opened a part of me I never knew existed, I have always hated to cook or bake but since he has lived with me I have been having a great time, and now I could feel everything inside of me closing up. I said you never gave us a chance Tim I can not help that I had pneumonia and was not being treated correctly. And that is not fair to either of us. I also told him when he thought his son, daughter-in-law and father were thanking me for keeping him sober they were actually thanking me for making him so happy as none of them had ever seen him that happy. How when we were at outings either at church or dinner people would say you guys are so cute and happy together. Next I explained I totally understand his want to prove to himself that he could stay sober on his own, but everyone needs support of some kind, not just people in recovery but everyone. I also explained that before he chooses some place else to live he needs to make sure it is a safe place for him. I also said I want a chance for us he said he did not think we could get past his cheating on me and I told him that was not his problem it was mine and I forgave me honestly from the bottom of my heart and then I told him Tim you are free I am setting you free to do whatever you want. I will not fight you in anyway. He looked at me in shock as I was not crying I was very calm through out all of this. I was opening his eyes as to what he needed to do for his own sobriety. The last thing I offered him was since I had made this apartment part his with pictures etc. and all of his things were here already that if he wanted to live here just as roommates he could do that,the only thing I asked was if he was going to be very late or not come home at night to just have the courtesy to call and tell me, I would ask no questions but I would also then not worry and I would do the same for him. Once I finished he looked at him with tears streaming down his face and said "I have a lot of thinking to do as to what I was planning is not the right thing for me to do." At this point I started crying not sad but happy tears as he heard what I had said and that I was telling him to think and take good care of himself. Since then he has been calling me when he is on his way home letting know what he has been doing, what he has coming up etc. We talked about different things we may do, what neither of us want to go and do and he has told me he cares very deeply for me and if I am being honest that I do forgive him he is willing to give us the chance. 

He knows my bounderies and knows I will NOT tolerate her in his life if we are going to make an effort at having a relationship. So I may be an idiot but I know in my heart God gave him to me for a reason and this was not it, for him to leave like this. I have never been happier in my life since he came into  it and I want the chance to see if we can work. My blinders are off though and my eyes are wide open and he knows it. He has started hugging me again telling me he cares etc. I know the road will be long but anything good in life takes hard work and I am willing and if I feel he is not he will be asked to leave. When I told him I forgave him and that I set him free I felt like the world lifted off my shoulders.

What happens next I do not know but I am ready for anythingas I know God is guiding me, actually He is carrying me right now through all of this