And the shit came falling down

Okay so before I start bitch raping myself over whats happening and bitch about life I think to be fair to myself I should put on the record that it has been almost 5 days since I cut myself. I was doing really well I did really well for about two three days I prayed and everything even today I did pretty much fulfill all my tasks but iv broken down right now. Its 2am and I am shattering again; I can feel my energy draining for me as I desperately call my friend for help but come on its probably 5 am where she is I cant possibly expect her to pick up. That is a very unreasonable expectation on my part...

I dont know whats wrong with me everything was on track and suddenly im losing it all again...
I feel like cutting myself and bleeding myself dry and I feel like watching porn and masturbating all night long and sleeping all day tomorrow. I dont wanna work or pray or eat or leave this room I wanna bitch about my broken heart and how tough and miserable and alone my life is. Goddammit im such a fucking pussy I need to get it together sigh...
its pointless I dont even know why I fucking bother with documenting this crap

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deleted_user
deleted_user

It\'s not pointless. As there are people here who listen. Hang in there.