And the months pass
Some how summer came and went and I think I wasted it, by doing nothing and thinking about him throughout most of it. 3 months wasted, being alone alot, praying, thinking, and trying to get through the grieving. I think I am learning. And coming to accept that being alone, without a real partner is what is my destiny. And honestly that might not be the worse thing in the world. No husband, also means not dealing with another personality, not compromising, not running around trying to make another person happy. Being able to walk around the house and do exactly what I want, put things exactly where I want, eat when I want to eat, talk as long as I want over the phone, get up in the middle of night and play music if I want. There are plenty of family around, friends and I do have the opportunity to make the rest of my life exactly how I want it. That is not sooooo terrible.
One of the pensions came through this month, waiting for another, can begin to budget and make plans to do a few things around the house that need to be fixed, repaired, and maintain. Christmas is coming, I can buy things that I want, even have them delivered to the house without being afraid that he is going to say something.
His sister is not doing well. Her time here on earth is limited. He does nothing to help her. He is busy with Diane. He still lies and says to anyone who will listen that he tries to call her, but she is not home when he does. He doesn't call Kathy (his niece) to keep up with her health reports. He is afraid we will ask him to do something, anything to help. He doesn't want to be disturb with his new life. I think he is happy. I know he is happy. And that bothers me. He got his big glass bubble filled with just him and her and he makes sure to keep her away from anyone who can tell her the truth about him. Someday, his sister will be gone, and that is my only connection to him, to hear a thing about him, and then I think he will be alittle more free with her. It's been almost a year that they are together. I can't understand why she doesn't see. Why she is still with him, Why she hasn't run for the hills by now. I think that will be together until the end. Until they grow old and die. I can't believe it, .....he would rather do this with a stranger, than with me. He really wanted out of this marriage. I filed, but he wanted out. He didn't love me. He didn't love. He really didn't love me.
One of the pensions came through this month, waiting for another, can begin to budget and make plans to do a few things around the house that need to be fixed, repaired, and maintain. Christmas is coming, I can buy things that I want, even have them delivered to the house without being afraid that he is going to say something.
His sister is not doing well. Her time here on earth is limited. He does nothing to help her. He is busy with Diane. He still lies and says to anyone who will listen that he tries to call her, but she is not home when he does. He doesn't call Kathy (his niece) to keep up with her health reports. He is afraid we will ask him to do something, anything to help. He doesn't want to be disturb with his new life. I think he is happy. I know he is happy. And that bothers me. He got his big glass bubble filled with just him and her and he makes sure to keep her away from anyone who can tell her the truth about him. Someday, his sister will be gone, and that is my only connection to him, to hear a thing about him, and then I think he will be alittle more free with her. It's been almost a year that they are together. I can't understand why she doesn't see. Why she is still with him, Why she hasn't run for the hills by now. I think that will be together until the end. Until they grow old and die. I can't believe it, .....he would rather do this with a stranger, than with me. He really wanted out of this marriage. I filed, but he wanted out. He didn't love me. He didn't love. He really didn't love me.
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