And the dreams are finally coming....
Dream #1 - I walked up to a house in my old hometown with 2 of my closest friends, knocked on the door, and the X opened it. I expected to see him... and as usual, he was drunk and angry, began attacking me and I stepped outside while my friends stopped him and I called the police... and woke up before they arrived...
Dream #2 - I'm at the lake near my hometown with my sisters waiting to watch a parade. One of my sisters mentions that my grandparents (my favorite people who are deceased) are VERY unhappy.... So I go to a nearby shop and buy them a Valentine's gift, go back to find the parade is over, and when I go to hand my gift to my grandparents, they ignore me because it's pretty obvious how sad they are and they can't see me...
I don't get what these mean yet - the only part I do understand is the Valentine's part because I'm about to begin decorating my house full of heart quilts that I'm going to make this weekend and found a cute little pattern last night that I forgot I bought. I wonder... could the X's dream be because I need to remember that HE brought on his death and the way he lived himself?
Whatever. Well, reality check... I'm in limbo. Things are super quiet at the office and they've replaced my computer with a newer one and there aren't any games on this one so I'm bored between customers.... REALLY bored. Which makes me sit there and think - or should I say DWELL. I think about my X alot... think about where I'm going in my future (I have NO idea), think about security, think about making devastating mistakes that would destroy that security if I took a leap of faith and changed my life.... a little bit of fear thrown in there too...
I got invited to go square dancing the other day... the guy likes hiking, but drinks, smokes, doesn't even own a car because he can't afford one, and is basically a big NO. And so is square dancing, lol... definitely not my idea of fun entertainment.
I'm meeting that guy from the hiking club to go hiking with on Sunday - yeah, the one who's my son's age. I like him - gonna just be a friend to just do stuff with... but he's reminding me of my age and how I'm NOT young anymore... I tend to forget that, lol...
And so, I've started my workout training for the bike race. About the only thing right now that's moving forward. I'm sniffling like crazy still and sometimes have to stop so that I can breathe, but at least I'm started. I'm crossing my fingers that these sniffles are gone by the weekend because we're expecting snow tonite and I REALLY want to get out and go skiing, and there's a couple of snowshoeing events coming up in addition to a moonlight ski and I'm really interested in that as well.
As I said, LIMBO. I think I just need to FLOAT here a while and think.... LATER.
Dream #2 - I'm at the lake near my hometown with my sisters waiting to watch a parade. One of my sisters mentions that my grandparents (my favorite people who are deceased) are VERY unhappy.... So I go to a nearby shop and buy them a Valentine's gift, go back to find the parade is over, and when I go to hand my gift to my grandparents, they ignore me because it's pretty obvious how sad they are and they can't see me...
I don't get what these mean yet - the only part I do understand is the Valentine's part because I'm about to begin decorating my house full of heart quilts that I'm going to make this weekend and found a cute little pattern last night that I forgot I bought. I wonder... could the X's dream be because I need to remember that HE brought on his death and the way he lived himself?
Whatever. Well, reality check... I'm in limbo. Things are super quiet at the office and they've replaced my computer with a newer one and there aren't any games on this one so I'm bored between customers.... REALLY bored. Which makes me sit there and think - or should I say DWELL. I think about my X alot... think about where I'm going in my future (I have NO idea), think about security, think about making devastating mistakes that would destroy that security if I took a leap of faith and changed my life.... a little bit of fear thrown in there too...
I got invited to go square dancing the other day... the guy likes hiking, but drinks, smokes, doesn't even own a car because he can't afford one, and is basically a big NO. And so is square dancing, lol... definitely not my idea of fun entertainment.
I'm meeting that guy from the hiking club to go hiking with on Sunday - yeah, the one who's my son's age. I like him - gonna just be a friend to just do stuff with... but he's reminding me of my age and how I'm NOT young anymore... I tend to forget that, lol...
And so, I've started my workout training for the bike race. About the only thing right now that's moving forward. I'm sniffling like crazy still and sometimes have to stop so that I can breathe, but at least I'm started. I'm crossing my fingers that these sniffles are gone by the weekend because we're expecting snow tonite and I REALLY want to get out and go skiing, and there's a couple of snowshoeing events coming up in addition to a moonlight ski and I'm really interested in that as well.
As I said, LIMBO. I think I just need to FLOAT here a while and think.... LATER.
Replies
Wow...very telling dreams. I know I dream a lot too about things that have happened and things that still affect me and that I am anxious about. The one about your ex is very disturbing. Im glad that you got out of that relationship even though I know your scared. It is scary...I agee. But it has to be better then being abused and mistreated. At least thats what I keep telling myself. Im sorry about the dream with your grandparents. I have thme too regarding my dad who has past. They leave us feeling so sad and missing them so much. Its hard to wake up and realize that they are gone.
A square dance huh? No car, drinks, smokes....good thing to stay away from...I agree. You can do much better then that...no need to go there. As for the young one, good for you. See you still got it! But I agree there too. He\'s too young so definitly the friends route is the only way to go.
As for thinking too much....I so know how that is. You seem to be very good at keeping yourself busy so I can imagine that them changing your computer at work is a problem since it leaves you alone with your thoughts. I am finding thoughts to be very dangerous and they tend to make us pretty depressed when they are left to their own devices.
I know that you feel like you are in limbo and I know you are thinking a lot about the X. This is not always good and I wonder if you have a good therapist to help you sort through these feelings. They are obviously still buried deep in there and it may help to work through them with someone.
I know you say you need to just FLOAT and think, but do be careful not to think too much. I dont want to see you get into the depression that I am in. You are an amazing person and I want nothing but the best for you.
You are getting out and enjoying yourself doing fun and healthy activities - what could be better than that? Who CARES how old or young your friends are. That\'s nobody\'s business except your own...don\'t get a hang-up about that. Enjoy your new friendship!
Trust your gut on dating..it won\'t steer you wrong. Enough said on that!
I think it\'s great how active and engaged you are, keeping yourself busy and enjoying the outdoors. I wish I had a friend like you around to get me out even more (I DO get out in winter though). I detest people who moan and groan about winter weather....I say embrace it, dress for it, and get out and breath the cold, beautiful fresh air!
No idea about your dreams doll...but our mind has a way of mulling things over and working things out I think. You dreamed it, now just let it go.
Enjoy your weekend! Our snow is melting here as we\'ve had some rain...boo hoo. But last week I went snowshoeing and it was awesome fun!
You sound happy.