And the beat goes on

Please don't feel obligated to read.  It is me again blathering away.

I have become preoccupied with the goings on South of the border.  I sat in front of the TV all day on the 6th - totally shocked and saddened.  How can people be so horrible?  It is not only saddening but scary.  I hurt for my friends be they red or blue.  

We are locked down so we have time on our hands.  Too much time.  It is so easy to become negative and cynical.  So I am trying to do some self care.  I walk 3 or 4 times a week.  I try to meditate regularly.  Yuki is an early riser and feels it is imperative that I be up with her.  So at 5 or 6 am, I light my candle and put on a guided meditation.  It helps to ground me.  

It occurs to me that I am grieving for the life that was.  I really felt that I had a dull life.  Compared to now, it was was a party!  We went out for lunch, visited with friends, I volunteered at the Women's Centre, Joe cooked dinners for our friends and neighbours - we have a sign to hang on our door on dinner night announcing the menu at WTHHCN Diner (what the hell's he cooking now}.  We have had everything from pheasant to camel meat to English mushy peas!  It was fun and we miss it.  We have friends who are political junkies and enjoy wine.  I enjoy hanging out with them and debating.  We agree and disagree and laugh a lot.  

We missed Christmas with Andrew and Tiina.  It is our first Christmas without being with at least one family member ever!  When Lisa was earthside, we spent it with her, Cevyn and Harvey.  Since then we have spent it with Andrew and Tiina.  The year Lisa left, we were supposed to all be together.  She died on December 1.  She and the family were supposed to fly home on the 10th of December.  It has been 11 years and it still makes me cry when I think about it.  Lisa's Christmas gift sat on the shelf in our closet for a couple of years.  I was so excited to give her the candle sticks she admired the last time we were together.  I eventually gave them to Cevyn. 

I know that I am blessed.  I know that this is all quite petty in the great scheme of things.  I keep reminding myself that I am healthy, have a nice home and a husband who loves me unconditionally - and vice versa.  It is hard not to have a pity party though.  

My sister now has Covid.  She is in a nursing home and according to my niece, is slowly getting better.  She can only visit by Zoom. Liz has later stage Dementia so is not really aware of what is going on.  Sometimes she recognizes family and other times not so much.  There are some upsides to Dementia.  It breaks my heart to hear of so many who have died without family by their side.  

It drives me crazy to see people marching in protest of masks!  I just don't get it.  It is not a matter of rights - it is a matter of health.  Besides, why should a person's right to possibly spread a disease around be more important than keeping others safe?  And furthermore, just because one doesn't know anyone who has died of Covid doesn't mean that it is a hoax.  Tiina's brother and his wife live in Los Angeles.   They are holed up in an apartment.  And then there is the vaccine - yes, I will get it when it is my turn.  Yes there have been side effects etc.  My friend who works in a nursing home got her shot on Saturday.  She has had folks in her facility die so sees flrist hand how deadly it can be.  She also saw someone in front of her, when she was waiting for her shot, go in to anaphylactic shock.  They are prepared for such emergencies and the person was fine.  Lorraine still got the shot without hesitation.  It amazes me that it is more dangerous to drive a car than it is to get an immunization yet we think nothing of hopping in and driving to the grocery store but are afraid of a needle in the arm. Let's face it,  life is a crap shoot.  My mother-in-law used to say that if the bullet is meant for you, it will come around the corner to get you.

I can see the aging changes in both Joe and me.  We laugh because we both are showing some memory loss.  We have a good memory between us!  Joe used have a wonderful sense of direction.  In China, he could go someplace once and be able to take us there a month later with no problem.  Where we lived, the streets were labeled in Chinese characters.  I on the other hand have gotten turned around in the doctor's office!  These days, we have taken the scenic route on more than one occasion because Joe has forgotten the route.  The scary part is that I have had to point him in the right direction more than once.  

We are hoping that Cevyn and the girls will be able to come here in the summer. They couldn't come in May due to Covid so have their tickets paid for.  I am glad we cheated and went to the twins' birthday celebration - they are 4 years old!  Cevyn is in a relationship now with a guy I don't like.  He is wonderful with the girls but drinks too much and can get owly when drunk.  I am hoping she will see the light.  It worries Granny.  

So that is our exciting Covid existence.  

I miss Lisa more than ever.  It really doens't get easier.