and, then...
and, then....
***
I didn't go to my son's basketball jamboree today. When I went to bed at 4 a.m. I just kind of looked at my watch and thought, "So, here we go AGAIN."
***
I thought because his games were in the afternoon I could make it. I could not. When I finally got myself out of bed my legs wouldn't work. I told myself to get up anyway. I sat on the bathroom floor for a while and cried. Then, I took a shower. Then, I forced myself to eat something because that is what people do in the Land of the Living. And, then.... I got on here and laughed at some things some of my friends said. THANK YOU!
***
You see, when I couldn't get myself out of bed I started thinking about how easy it would be to get those sleeping pills I so desperately need and take them all at once. This is not pleasant to hear, I know. It wasn't pleasant to think about either.
***
I started thinking about that Christmas movie that I've never really watched all the way through about the guy who sees what things would be like if he wasn't alive, or something like that.
***
You know, that doesn't work when your mind is in ME/CFS Horror Land. (We travel through different lands with this...I'm presently not in a great place right now.) When you are in Horror Land your mind doesn't gravitate towards the light. I was thinking how everyone would be just fine without me. I COULD SEE THEM all as they are without me here.
***
And, then....I started thinking about how my sister-in-law left a message on facebook about how frustrated she was about her foot surgery and not being able to get to things, and I thought, "But, your foot will get better. This is just temporary. You are missing out on things now, but this isn't your life." THIS IS MY LIFE.
***
It's so easy to think we don't make a difference when everything we thought we could be, or wanted to be, or hoped we might possibly be, feels like it is a world away, i.e. in another Land.
***
Thanks for making me laugh. Thanks for being here. Thanks for helping me feel like I need to take steps to travel out of this Land. I need to find a counselor.
***
When I saw that this site would be down tomorrow I realized how much you people are my life line. It has been so bad for me lately that I have really needed your support and encouragement. THANK YOU.
***
And, then....thank you, again.
***
carry on
***
I didn't go to my son's basketball jamboree today. When I went to bed at 4 a.m. I just kind of looked at my watch and thought, "So, here we go AGAIN."
***
I thought because his games were in the afternoon I could make it. I could not. When I finally got myself out of bed my legs wouldn't work. I told myself to get up anyway. I sat on the bathroom floor for a while and cried. Then, I took a shower. Then, I forced myself to eat something because that is what people do in the Land of the Living. And, then.... I got on here and laughed at some things some of my friends said. THANK YOU!
***
You see, when I couldn't get myself out of bed I started thinking about how easy it would be to get those sleeping pills I so desperately need and take them all at once. This is not pleasant to hear, I know. It wasn't pleasant to think about either.
***
I started thinking about that Christmas movie that I've never really watched all the way through about the guy who sees what things would be like if he wasn't alive, or something like that.
***
You know, that doesn't work when your mind is in ME/CFS Horror Land. (We travel through different lands with this...I'm presently not in a great place right now.) When you are in Horror Land your mind doesn't gravitate towards the light. I was thinking how everyone would be just fine without me. I COULD SEE THEM all as they are without me here.
***
And, then....I started thinking about how my sister-in-law left a message on facebook about how frustrated she was about her foot surgery and not being able to get to things, and I thought, "But, your foot will get better. This is just temporary. You are missing out on things now, but this isn't your life." THIS IS MY LIFE.
***
It's so easy to think we don't make a difference when everything we thought we could be, or wanted to be, or hoped we might possibly be, feels like it is a world away, i.e. in another Land.
***
Thanks for making me laugh. Thanks for being here. Thanks for helping me feel like I need to take steps to travel out of this Land. I need to find a counselor.
***
When I saw that this site would be down tomorrow I realized how much you people are my life line. It has been so bad for me lately that I have really needed your support and encouragement. THANK YOU.
***
And, then....thank you, again.
***
carry on
Replies
Wow. just took a peek at the menopause support group. Don\'t go there often but thought I\'d check it out today.
I\'m feeling quite normal after that. Seriously. How much of this is crazy peri menopause?
A few of the threads really helped me realize that other women are going through some of this same stuff.
The frustrating thing is that the symptoms of ME/CFS overlap and I don\'t know which is which. I talked to the doctor about that and she could only agree.
This too shall pass.
PLEASE HANG IN THERE!
Sometimes you have to give up trying to figure out why you are sick on a particular day. Did I overdo? Is this a cold virus? Am I eating the right foods?
I won\'t give you a pep talk, Katy. I can tell you that I have been where you are. It\'s the way it all seems so permanent that gets to me sometimes. It\'s like, this is who I am now, and I really, really, don\'t like being this person.
I want to have a nice orderly, pleasant life with friends I see once in a while...a life where I can start a project and finish it before everything else I need to do piles up waist-deep around me.
But I can\'t do that.
We have to find a way to beat this sleeping problem you are having, Katy. There has got to be a way to get a handle on it. Try posting a thread on the discussion board on insomnia and see if anyone has some ideas we haven\'t thought of.
Forgive me if you already tried that, my memory doesn\'t work worth a darn.