AND SO IT BEGINS......
After 2 months, the papers finally came today in the mail. He was asleep when I got home, Then I did doze for a few minutes with the tv on. When I woke and went to start dinner he was just leaving the kitchen. i said something to him, but he kept going and the bedroom door slammed behind him. I thought he didn't hear me. Then I realized his envelope (which was on the top of the mail pile) was missing.
I have to tell him dinner is done and I have no clue just how miserable he is going to be now. I believe the anger is back... so I do believe it will be a long weekend for me. Coming home to this and working the rest of the time (not actually off tll Monday)
I also started Divorce Care a few days ago. That did me good to be arund others who have been or are going through the same issues.
As much as there is to do now to get this all sorted out, as welll as the fear of how hard it may be at times financially.... I am still looking to the light at the end of the tunnel and am excited deep inside to be able to open up and FEEL things again. (just praying there may be a little more of the good stuff too)
So cross your fingers and say a prayer that this does finally go well. I want my life back.
Replies
What helped me in the days preceding the divorce, was that whenever my ex would verbally abuse me, I would just ignore it and pretend she wasn't there but if it got worse, like in the form of constant nagging, I would just leave the house, and go for a long walk or go for a ride. I wouldn't say anything. I pretended I was in my own little world. I went to that happy place in my mind where I was swimming in the ocean, floating on my back with fish jumping all around me playfully, while the sea birds chirped and the sounds of the water spashing with the kids building sand castles on the distant shore. This was my reality during a florida vacation one year many years ago and I always held on to that memory because it gave me so much peace and happiness at the time.
I simply told her, I just wanted her to be happy that's all. No fighting, no arguing, no resentment, just letting go of the negative and looking forward to the unknown!. Putting my future into my maker's Hands by practicing forgiveness and unconditional Love but Love from a distance since we would no longer be married.
That was 6 years ago and now I am happier then I have ever been. I wish the same for you!
God Bless
Kim
Bob said it very well. I did the same thing and said ok let’s make this easy. No fighting. I agreed to every detail. I know how both of you feel right now. It will all work out and you will be happy again. Hugs.
Thank you. I also have very fond memories of the beach and the ocean. (I do believe they would serve me just as well to hang tight to those very tranquil days.)
Thank you both.
If you need to talk, I'll be here to listen and give hugs.
Hugs my friend. You will be fine. I know that you do not believe it but you will be. I lived with the ex for almost a year before we sold the house and he moved out. But he had to pay for all the bills until the bitter end. He thought he would be getting at least 75% of the house when in fact he got only 40%. One thing that got me through that year was working literally 24/7. And when I saw him, I would stare at him until he went upstairs. Be ready for a emotional roller coaster ride of a lifetime. They will come up with lies that would make Stephen King seem like an amateur fiction writer.
I'm so glad things are progressing for you VQ. What I did once the divorce was in full swing was stop making food for him. There really was no point to sitting at the table, the two of us, being anxious and getting indigestion! If the kids weren't home, I did my own dinner thing and he scrounged pb&j sandwiches. He could have cooked a real meal but chose not to. It's amazing, I now go through a jar of peanut butter about once every six months, whereas before it was like a jar a week! We lived in the same house but I tried my best to ensure that we crossed paths as little as possible. There really was no reason to talk, since it just lead to more lies out of his mouth, more of the same. This caused him to further stew in his anger and resentment, but brought a bit of peace to my life. Wow, I do not miss those days. Let him slam all the doors he wants, and pout all he wants. He had his chances, this life coming up for him is what he chose. It's really what he asked for by virtue of his indifference and inaction. Work and Divorce Care are two things that can keep you sane for now.
Fingers are crossed!! Saw a shooting star so that wish is for you too. I finally get the anger thing. I don’t express with anger myself but I know that if a year ago LL had left me, that I would have had some anger. Because I wouldn’t have understood it. And the rut I was in wouldn’t have allowed me to accept it. We talk about that often actually. How bad she would have felt knowing that I would have been frustrated that I didn’t try harder or appreciate her more. That’s a tough thing to swallow. And his anger is at himself just doesn’t know that. I probably would have been falling over myself trying to ‘fix it’ though. But it would have been, too little, too late. Those necessary changes don’t happen overnight. Not lashing out with blame and door slamming. Because rational people should realize that just convinces you that you made the right choice! Now, TG, I at least would be graceful about it. And support her as best I could. But that’s me;oh ya, and I love and respect her. Maybe leave him a simple letter asking him to show you his true colors during this time and try to part on friendly terms. That might give him pause and something to think about? I mean any behavior but gentlemenly just proves your points. Right? Once the communication dies (assuming it was there to start) everything gets confusing = frustrating and annoying.=blame and resentment =owies. I like bobs advice. Don’t let him get to you anymore. Ducks let the water (shit) just roll right off them. Be a duck.
Hello Kim, I truly sympathize with you and anyone that has had to deal with living under the same roof with divorce in process. Keep being YOU the chatty one and be that duck, don’t forget to preen your feathers so shit keeps washing off you onto him. His attitude is typical and there’s really nothing you can do but maintain yourself and hope things progress quickly. I hope your legal counsel is strong and has a good track record on a successful?? divorce proceeding. Keep on with your daily strength and whatever else like Divorce Care as a helpful crutch to carry you through this stressful time. Your friends will keep sending positive encouragement and remember to reach out when needed. Peace