And She Still Wonders WHY I don\'t Jump to Spend Time with Her !!!!

Lately I've been on the Verge of Wishing I was Never Born !!!!! I mean... " What's the Point, anyways ? ". It's Not like I've had Many Times in My Life when I've been Happy, and My Parents are ALWAYS Nearby to Tell Me what a FAILURE I AM ! They're CONSTANTLY telling Me what I SHOULD BE DOING TO CHANGE MY LIFE.. TO CHANGE MYSELF... AND IF I DON'T ' JUMP ' TO DO IT, THEN THEY'RE DISAPPOINTED IN ME, AND ACT AS IF I'M JUST A ' WASTE OF SPACE ' ... AND A COMPLETE FAILURE !!!! Why can't They Love Me UNCONDITIONALLY ?????!!It's ALWAYS about Me PLEASING THEM ! IF I DARE to SPEAK OUT, and CHALLENGE what They say to Me, that's when They give Me Looks like They're Thinking... " Well, At least Our OTHER CHILDREN turned out OKAY ! "They'll BARELY even Listen to Me AT ALL, whenever I have a DIFFERENT OPINION than Theirs about Anything to do with MY LIFE ! They're MISSING THE POINT ENTIRELY, of course... that it is MY LIFE.. NOT THEIRS... AND IT'S MY CHOICE WHAT I DO !!!! I've TRIED to REMIND Them of that MANY TIMES, but it NEVER does any good ! ALL it seems to do is to convince Them EVEN MORE IN THEIR SMALL LITTLE MINDS... that I DEFINITELY AM A FAILURE, BECAUSE THE ONLY WAY POSSIBLY WOULDN'T BE IS IF I TOTALLY AGREED WITH EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING THEY EVER SAID, AND DID EVERY THING THEY SAID I SHOULD DO.. WHENEVER THEY SAID I SHOULD DO IT !!!!! Mind You, I'm NOT blaming My Parents for ALL of the UNHappiness in My Life. That wouldn't be Fair at all, despite Their closed-mindedness. BUT... I think IF They had Loved Me Truly Unconditionally, then MAYBE I would have felt More Free, and been More Able, to Pursue Happiness in My Life in a Healthy Way.I Love BOTH of My Parents, but I just WISH SO MUCH that They would simply ACCEPT ME AS I AM RIGHT NOW... AND FOR GOODNESS SAKES.. STOP !!! TRYING TO CHANGE ME !!!!!.... ESPECIALLY STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME, AND MAKING IT SEEM AS IF I HAVE ' NO LIFE AT ALL ' UNLESS I DON'T DO EXACTLY AS THEY SAY I SHOULD !!!!! One of the Last Times I talked to My MOM, She said She WISHED SHE HAD NEVER GIVEN BIRTH TO ME !!!!!I can't remember the EXACT WORDS, but that was the IDEA of it ! I'm POSITIVE about that !It was something like... " I WISH I HAD NEVER GIVEN BIRTH TO YOU... TO HAVE ALL OF THE PAIN THAT YOU HAVE. ". I still don't think I have it quite right, but that's as close as I can remember. The Catch is that is saying " To Me ", at least, that YOUR LIFE ISN'T WORTH ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU'RE IN PAIN... A LIFE WITH PAIN ISN'T WORTH LIVING.. SO I WISH YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BORN !!!!! Am I reading TOO MUCH into what She said ? I don't think so.... because I know HER ! TO HER I'VE BEEN A FAILURE FROM THE BEGINNING... NOTHING I'VE EVER DONE HAS EVER BEEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER, OR FOR MY DAD ! NOTHING ! I WASTED YEARS OF MY LIFE TRYING TO ' PLEASE THEM ', and NOW... WHEN I'M IN A LOT OF CHRONIC PAIN... ALL MY MOM CAN THINK OF TO SAY IS " SHE WISHES SHE'D NEVER GIVEN BIRTH TO ME !!!! " I WISH I could Talk to Her about what She said, BUT I really CAN'T ! She has Parkinson's Disease, and I've heard that EXTRA Stress on Someone with that Disease can make Their Symptoms MUCH Worse ! I would NEVER want to do that to Her ! I'd TALK to My DAD about this, BUT as far as the ENTIRE SUBJECT OF MY LIFE is concerned goes, HE IS COLD ! STONE COLD through and through ! HE NEVER TRULY LISTENS TO MY OPINIONS ABOUT ANYTHING GOING ON IN MY LIFE ! I CAN ALWAYS SEE IT IN HIS EYES HOW HE THINKS I'M A BIG FAILURE !!!! So Talking to Him is OUT ! FOR SURE ! So What do I do ???? I sure WISH I knew, because My Parents are going to be down at Their Florida Home till sometime in March or April of '09 !!!! I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN SURVIVE THAT LONG !!!!From NOW, till THEN, My MOM is going to be NAGGING ME ABOUT THIS AND THAT.. AND THE OTHER... LOL.. PROBABLY AT LEAST 3 - 4 TIMES A WEEK !!!! AS WELL, AS THE FACT THAT SHE'LL PROBABLY BE PUSHING ME TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM ! FOR ONE THING.... I HAD TO EXPLAIN that I CAN'T SEE STEPPING UP into Their MINIVAN anymore... NOT with AS PAINFUL AS MY KNEES HAVE BEEN LATELY !!!!! I just can't help this ! THEN the OTHER Thing... that I didn't OPENLY SAY to them, of course... IS that WHY would I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH PEOPLE THAT ARE ONLY GOING TO BE CONSTANLY JUDGING ME... CRITICIZING ME... AND PUTTING ME DOWN ANY WAY THEY CAN THINK OF !!??!!??!?