And now my dog dies....

My daughters and I are reeling. My poor Jasper did not have Lyme disease or something wrong with his leg. He had a cancerous tumor by his spine (shoulder area) trachea, and esophagus. By Sunday evening he had stopped walking, eating , drinking and he cried constantly  and was hyper-ventilating and we had to euthanize him in the middle of the night. Such a sweet soul. It was so awful...STBX came and helped with crying daughters,(I had a friend with us the whole time, too- I did not want to be alone with husband) but then he drove off to his own place afterward and I could see that daughters wished he was still here with us although no one spoke about it....A year and a half ago, our female dog  got ill and died one week after I found out about STBX's affair and  now dog number two- at the end (we are weeks away from divorce being final). I really will be starting over with so many changes. My pictures in 2012 won't even have the dogs that we shared! My daughters and I are miserable, but we will get another dog soon enough. this is NOT how I expected 2012 to begin. Will the rest of the year be better? I think for me, I will just begin 2012 on the day I have the divorce papers in hand. I think it will be February. January can just be part of 2011, right? My birthday is 1/27 and I am SO not feeling like celebrating at all! It will just be a day to get past. One of my sisters is visiting in February. I think I will wait until she gets here before I celebrate being alive another year...