And NOT READY.
Maybe it's because I'm tired as it's definitely a multi-coffee cup kinda day, lol...
Or maybe it's a sign that I've got some serious work to do....
As we always do, I took the dogs to the dog park this morning. There were two dogs there already - so we played as little as we could (it was already 80 degrees, smoky from the nearby fire, and humid and I didn't want to overheat my border collies since they still have their winter coats). I briefly met the owner of the other dogs last night - all we did was laugh about how crazy ball obsessed my Sadie is, nothing more - we don't even know each other's names. But today, I noticed he was single (no ring, no sign of one for a long time)... and then I was freaked out that I even looked... GEES!
Again today, there was no real communication - he was on the phone when we got there and just followed all of us up to the large shade trees at the back of the park and tossed a ball to my dogs once in a while... I had to leave for work 25 minutes later, so it was pretty brief.
But BAM. Here came the thoughts... the "MAN, I've got issues" thoughts...
I'm a horrible housekeeper and an even worse cook, lol...
I'm stubborn and can be opinionated and private, yet I'm usually too open and honest....
and how the hell do I introduce someone new to my crazy family, the story of my past with the X, especially since the X lives only 4 blocks away...
And why the heck can I go to a singles outing and have a great time, feel none of this and when I meet one person, don't even talk to them about anything other than dogs, I feel so unworthy....
Yep, INSECURE. And yep, I've got a whole lot of work to do. LATER!
Update: Been thinking about this... I figured out WHY I feel so insecure today. I got up this morning, thought about what I've been doing lately... and it's not pretty. Emotional eating. I'm already 50 pounds over weight (I hide it VERY well), and lately, my clothes don't fit right. When my friend Ruth came to visit, she motivated me to get back into the fitness program we were doing, and yesterday, I FORCED myself to have a reality check. I took photos of what I look like in the clothes I wear and believe me, it's not pretty. It forced me to see myself as others see me and I felt/feel ashamed. Ashamed that I'd been gaining... ashamed that I'm losing control over myself... ashamed that I've been burying my fear to be true to myself in chocolate chips cookies and DQ blizzards. And then I meet him... yeah. That's it. Gotta run.... LATER!
Or maybe it's a sign that I've got some serious work to do....
As we always do, I took the dogs to the dog park this morning. There were two dogs there already - so we played as little as we could (it was already 80 degrees, smoky from the nearby fire, and humid and I didn't want to overheat my border collies since they still have their winter coats). I briefly met the owner of the other dogs last night - all we did was laugh about how crazy ball obsessed my Sadie is, nothing more - we don't even know each other's names. But today, I noticed he was single (no ring, no sign of one for a long time)... and then I was freaked out that I even looked... GEES!
Again today, there was no real communication - he was on the phone when we got there and just followed all of us up to the large shade trees at the back of the park and tossed a ball to my dogs once in a while... I had to leave for work 25 minutes later, so it was pretty brief.
But BAM. Here came the thoughts... the "MAN, I've got issues" thoughts...
I'm a horrible housekeeper and an even worse cook, lol...
I'm stubborn and can be opinionated and private, yet I'm usually too open and honest....
and how the hell do I introduce someone new to my crazy family, the story of my past with the X, especially since the X lives only 4 blocks away...
And why the heck can I go to a singles outing and have a great time, feel none of this and when I meet one person, don't even talk to them about anything other than dogs, I feel so unworthy....
Yep, INSECURE. And yep, I've got a whole lot of work to do. LATER!
Update: Been thinking about this... I figured out WHY I feel so insecure today. I got up this morning, thought about what I've been doing lately... and it's not pretty. Emotional eating. I'm already 50 pounds over weight (I hide it VERY well), and lately, my clothes don't fit right. When my friend Ruth came to visit, she motivated me to get back into the fitness program we were doing, and yesterday, I FORCED myself to have a reality check. I took photos of what I look like in the clothes I wear and believe me, it's not pretty. It forced me to see myself as others see me and I felt/feel ashamed. Ashamed that I'd been gaining... ashamed that I'm losing control over myself... ashamed that I've been burying my fear to be true to myself in chocolate chips cookies and DQ blizzards. And then I meet him... yeah. That's it. Gotta run.... LATER!
Replies
Dont be insecure...you are amazing! And dont worry, take your time and things will happen for you. I too am a horrible housekeeper and cant cook either. But that is just one of my many little charms. Love ya, Sandy
LOL! Thanks for that, Sandy!
Make that 3 of us who are terrible housekeepers! I at least can boil water, so I consider myself a cook in training! I know what you mean about hiding 50 lbs. No one (at least not to my face!) believes I weigh almost 200 lbs. but I am 5\'6\" and somewhat big boned. At this point in my life I will never see 155 again so if I can just break 190 and hold it, I will be extremely happy. I am close, but no cigar! I just feel weight shouldn\'t be the big goal, being healthy and happy has always been my goals. Then if you lose the weight it is just a bonus! So if you can do your mountain biking and hiking and feel comfortable, I wouldn\'t worry too much about losing weight. And you would be surprised, I have heard(don\'t have any direct experience! ha, ha)that alot of guys don\'t notice the weight unless YOU make a big deal about it! So don\'t let this make you insecure! You go girl!
(((HUGS)))
I\'m the fourth one that needs to lose weight and I badly need to go back to the gym. But I hate the gym. I didn\'t make friends, I got tired of the stares of the other women and the few condescending comments I heard.
I hide my excess weight pretty well. I\'m very small boned and petite and this extra 20 pounds isn\'t doing me any good.
Fat is fat no matter the size. If I could just get down to 110 I would be so happy.