And,in the hush,there is me

The time is 6:34am,and once more I sit here endeavoring to breathe,while my mind continues to behave erratically,and seems unwilling,or unable,to muster any form of rational thought.I slept fitfully in the night,regretting yesterday,with it's sniping and harsh words;my attempts to remain silent and think, interrupted by my wife, offering suggestions at times,and in others displaying her anger and frustration.I am tired yet I cannot sleep,but I take some comfort from the fact that the world still turns,and,in the hush,there is me.This is my favorite time to be awake,not yet day,but then again,not quite night either;a sort of vacuum of nothingness where I am the sole occupant,free to be myself,unshackled by expectation or conformity;and totally unfettered by responsibility.I long for open spaces,hilltops with a view and space for a man to breathe;where nature and humanity merge into oneness,and where no-one judges, or is judged,by society.If I could halt the inevitable march of time,the minutes on the clock face ticking endlessly by;I would do it right now,here,in the not quite day,not quite night vacuum of nothingness that is now.I would stay right here in the void,a solitary traveler in space,unencumbered by rules and regulations that dictate how a man should live.Able to cast off from a world that dictates most of our daily routines and functions;no more having to leave your little box in the morning,making sure your appearance is just right,going to your place of work to perform whatever tasks you need to complete to ensure your pay check and survival;only to return to your little box at the end of the day,knowing that the next day will bring more of the same.Repetition and soul destroying boredom,and yet these are the rules that govern and determine our success or failure in the modern world today;I find that desperately sad.
     When I watch news broadcasts,I weep at the sheer injustice of a world which allows homelessness,starvation and poverty.I howl with rage at child abuse and neglect,victims of war and insurrection;and I despair at the plight of so many of our elderly,who,after a lifetime of hard work and paying taxes,raising families and sacrificing so much of their own needs and desires;are consigned,either through illness or family disinterest,to nursing institutions worldwide,and simply forgotten and left to die.I find it entirely logical then,that so many desperately troubled individuals, make the choice to leave the world before their allotted time span,because they find it abhorrent and painful to be a part of.With the increasing technological and medicinal advances available today,mankind has become totally selfish,becoming obsessed with materialistic deities,money,power and greed,is it any wonder then,that so many of the human race become disillusioned and filled with hopelessness;and opt to get off before they reach their individual terminus?,I for one,can understand their thinking.Today is another period of time however,where I must make the best of that which God has provided,I hope that it will be a peaceful time,that I will be able to rein in my tongue and control my thoughts;we shall see journal,till tomorrow then,peace be with us.