And HERE we go again, BETTER!!!

So you know how I "FOUND" myself by reading "Women Who Run With The Wolves"?    Well, I've got a little story for ya...
So picture me as this wolf, running along in the woods, dancing and playing; I was feeling TOTALLY FREE for the first time in years... first time EVER really... and even as I knew I was approaching the "road" (my neighbor situation) and could hear the "semi" coming (the creepiness of it and then the whole court thing), I think I was still unprepared for the "impact".  Because I got hurt - emotionally.  And though the wound wasn't life threatening (but felt close), it hurt ALOT.  
And this wound is that insecure feeling I've been mentioning the past few weeks.   It ripped me raw, deep down, and I've been licking my wounds as they heal once again.   At first, I was thinking they wouldn't even heal this time.   Some of this stuff went so deep, it's affected me my whole life.... affected how I respond, how I behave, how I live.   In fact, I'm a bit ashamed to admit this.... but during this whole ordeal, I wanted to hide, wanted to give up, wanted to let my neighbor win so I just didn't have to deal with it....
 
But I've been here before... you let a bully win and they become bigger bullies and try to control you further.   And it's gonna hurt no matter what... so the choices are, stand up for yourself and SAVE yourself and your self respect.... OR  give in and hurt yourself worse by destroying your self respect - which, by the way, can linger forever because your mind REMEMBERS...
 
SO TODAY... the dogs and I went to the dog park and they were SO TERRIBLE that we wound up leaving right away - I don't remember a time when my dogs were behaving so badly.     So REROUTE!   I drove them up into the forest, in the Canyon.   On the way, my aggravation increased - Leading Ladies Marathon was taking place and some of the runners were TOTALLY inconsiderate - running down the MIDDLE of the highway on the tight curves, forcing traffic issues because drivers had to slam on brakes - and then these runners would wave as you just sat there, expecting YOU to go around them instead of them running down the bike lane out of the way.  And then the trailhead I was thinking about doing was completely blocked off with one of the checkpoints.  So instead, while gritting my teeth, we went over to the trailhead for Roughlock Falls, a short 1 mile hike - so short in fact, that I was feeling a little disappointed.      
AND IT WAS AWESOME!!!  We had the trail to ourselves, and it was COLD (in the 40's), and the creek gurgled, and chipmunks mocked the dogs as they ran to try to catch them (no chipmunks were caught), and an eagle was sitting on a downed tree... and then we reached the FALLS...   The roar of the water... the beauty.... I'll post photos shortly.   I didn't want to leave - neither did the dogs, lol.   And because the hike was so short, we took a drive up to the campground and the trees are already starting to turn where the canyon is narrow and deep and really cold... And I came to a decision to go camping there next weekend... and as we drove back down, we passed the Leading Ladies (still blocking traffic) and I saw this sign the organizers put out... "It's not the mountains we have conquered, but ourselves"... and in that moment, I HEALED.   And I laughed and waived at the antics of the checkpoint people who were cheering on the runners.   And inside myself I began to dance and play once again...
Not gonna promise... but I think I might just be one of those runners next year....   LATER!