angry

I hate feeling this way. I am so angry that I feel like this how I'm going to be for the rest of my life.  I have been angry since I found out I had PCOS 6 yrs ago. I am angry at the fact that I lost over 50 pounds and yes I started to get my period on my own and I was told that I am ovulating but there is something else wrong.  I am not actively trying to conceive but I am not preventing it either.  I surely thought last month that I would have conceived but nothing happened I still got my period.  I don't understand what could have gone wrong. I deeply feel now that I am now faced with another infertility issue.  Possible endometriosis, scarred, possibly blocked fallopian tubes one of them has affected me.  I will have to have an HSG done this summer to see what is going on now.  I really did not want to have this procedure, due to the pain I heard that is experienced with this procedure. I thought once I would have conceived last month that I would not need this but things didn’t go my way as usual. I’m so hurt I don’t understand I worked so hard trying to loose weight so that I could get my hormones straight and have children but as yet again it was a slap in the face. I feel as though me losing weight was in vain, I worked hard for nothing. It bothers me when I see women who are bigger than me with babies or pregnant and I basically had to lose half of my body weight just to have a fucking cycle!!! I hate my body with a passion, I hate I can’t control more than what I can control. I don’t understand why I have to go through all of this, what did I do to deserve this! It’s hard watching people around me have babies and yet I just started having cycles on my own. I’m so angry, yet hurt about how my life has turned out. I could not have imagined that I could not have a baby on my own.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

oh honey i totally understand where you are coming from. it seems so unfair that we are denied what the rest of the world seems to have no problems with doing. keep your head aboue water. and direct all that anger to something constructive. all we can do is have hope that one day all of our work and pain and praying has paid off.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I know you dont know me very well but I came across your entry here and I know exactly how you are feeling I understand how it feels that all of your hard work is for nothing and how you feel about women that are bigger that are getting PG without having to do the work that you do so hang in there and please dont give up on yourself Im sure your dream will come true soon
bamachic
bamachic

Sorry it has take so long for me to respond but I truly appreciate the encouragment from you guys! thanx, so much! It\'s just so hard for me to accept that it will be harder for me to conceive.