Anger
I am back at work on Monday after the christmas break and part of my fear about going back is that I'm going to start getting angry again, although I feel I have chilled out a bit, travelling on the underground today started to wind me up again.Replying to a post just now reminded me that maybe I'm feeling angry about the attack and just displacing it. So I thought I would use this opportunity to vent and see what comes out, I'm angry that I now hate myself, I'm angry that my self worth is so low that I can't make discisions and don't trust my ability to do anything, I'm angry that this low self worth is so noticable to others and is holding me back. I'm angry that I haven't been in a relationship for the last 4 years. I'm angry that I have no hope of ever being in a relationship of having a family. I'm angry that I am an alcoholic. I'm angry that when something upsets me or makes me anxious I want to cut myself or hurt myself in some other way. I'm angry that I always fear the worst and therefore am constantly anxious or scared or confused. I'm angry that my feeling are so muted that nothing makes me happy. I'm angry that I hate men and don't trust anybody, least of all myself and have had to question everything that I once belived to be true. I'm angry that I have been through so much pain and sufering.I'm so angry I'm afraid of what I will do if I keep turning it in on myself or directing it at others. So where does it belong? What should i do?
Replies
Good vent. I hope you don\'t mind my 2 cents of input here, but I totally think you have the right to be angry. And express it freely. But not towards yourself, and not to most others. I think it belongs out in the vast nothingness of space. Or on the shoulders of a higher power. I find that screaming at the sky helps a bit. Or I also have a big punching bag that I hit with a baseball bat. Things like that allow bits of my anger to escape and not harm anyone. Nobody has to know how much it tears me up. But it lets a bit of the steam off. Maybe you could find something similar to burn off some of it? All the best to you :)
I know the anger issues, they really didnt develop until more recently and most directed at myself and my stupidity and lack of all decision making skills. And low self esteem and the world for being a horrible place and for being scared all the time to leave my apartment. Sorry I dont have anything to say to be helpful, just that I know what you are going through, and it sucks and is hard. But I am here for you.