angry
I made it through the weekend but am very angry. It started fri eve Suzette"s class ring arrived-finnally, it should have been ordered last year but she didn't tell us about it then, thought we couldn't afford it so it was ordered this year and she never got to see it, all this senior stuff coming in makes me so angry that she worked so hard and never got to see most of it, at least they are letting us have her diploma. We had a cookout sat with sis and family and bro-in-law and family and i discovered one thing it doesn't matter what day you celebrate that's the day she shoould be there too. I have been angry since, destructive angry, everytime i pick something up or even look at some thing sometimes i imagine throwing it through a window or look for something to break it on, the image and urge are so strong it's hard to control. We have a wooden shed out back that needs tore down and i askeed hubby if i could start pounding on it with something he says he'll let me but i hope he hurrys with it, he doesn't want me to do it alone and he's been working 2 jobs lately with farming.,don't know if it will make me feel better but the urge to destroy is there. On a good note, my hutch finally came!!!I can get her and her stuff put up now, have decided to wait to work on pic collages, I can't get myself to go through all the pics like i need to. I will take a pic and put it on here when i get it done, as done as I'm doing now anyway. So many emotions right now and grad is fri eve so i need to try to prepare for that, if that's possible. Love and hugs to all and thanks again for being here and understanding.
Replies
It is normalto be angry...I hope you get to knock down your building...it would be good for you...love and hugs...Karen
Marianne (mari3333) strongly suggest breaking dishes....cheap ones that aren\'t used of course. She\'s had a couple of sessions of doing this against her garage, and says it helps release some of the hostility. I\'ve SOOO wanted to break things too, to destroy something, to pound something into oblivion. So far I it hasn\'t overwhelmed me to the point of actually doing it. I think I\'m getting close though. I say go for it if the feeling\'s that strong. Wear protective eyegear and gloves, then go beat the heck out of that old shed!
Kala\'s accident happened Jan 2, her senior year. There were so many functions...she was very popular and invovled with so much at school. From the moment I got the news until graduation was over, I literally had something to attend every two weeks. It was exhausting, but truthfully, I think it helped me because I did have so much to do. I collasped after it was all done and have been trying to pick myself up ever since. A task I have as yet not succeeded at. Kala had gotten her class ring during her junior year, so she\'d worn it quite a bit. I have it now, and wore it everyday for several months. But she missed senior awards day...she was voted \"BEST SMILE\", she missed prom, she missed graduation, she missed so much. So much of the fun and receiving the honors she\'d worked so hard for. I stood for her when the called her name at graduation and when the kids transferred their tassels, I held Kala\'s cap high and transferred hers too. It was a hard day. Hard to smile and congratulate her friends, hard to accept that Kala wasn\'t there. I know there\'s no good time, no better time, no easy time....but I swear, senior year is a really, really sucky time for all of this.
Feeling your pain and frustrations with you.
Much love,
Teri