An Unhappy Camper
Friday, April 24, 2009 - 3:30 PM Dale did call me about my brother. He and Dr. Martin are both worried about him, but they are not sure what can be done since I am the one they are seeing at the clinic, rather than my brother. Dale said he would have to talk to his superior about the whole situation. I am very concerned about my brother, because I've never seen him act in this manner before now. It is like meeting a complete stranger. I am not sure that I am up to this. When I started getting help for my depression, that was not the way I envisioned it would be. I knew that the lack of family ties were part of my problems, but I also knew that there were other things causing difficulties in my life. I do not know if Dale is aware of this, but I am going to have to talk it over with him when I see him at my next session on Monday. I know a lot of the signs of depression, and I seem to have many of them. Most of the time all I want to do is sleep. During the time that I am awake, I feel sad, lonely, and of little value to anyone. Although most of my family lives within half an hour or more away from me, I hardly see anyone except at birthdays and holidays. That is not exactly what I meant life to be for me here. What is the use of my being stuck in a place that I could not stand? This is beginning to bother me a lot. Although I often feel that I would be better off dead than to be here, I am certainly not about to kill myself. I need to make some changes in my life, but I am not sure what they are or how to go about making the changes. This is very frustrating to me. Add this together with my PTSD, and memories of sexual abuse, and you will have one very unhappy camper. I am not sure how much more of this I can stand, but I am not yet ready to give up and throw in the towel. There has to be some help for me somewhere!
Replies
\"I am very concerned about my brother, because I\'ve never seen him act in this manner before now. It is like meeting a complete stranger.\"
I have to admit, since I had no siblings, that I can\'t say I totally understand.
But, you probably ARE meeting a stranger. HE probably doesn\'t know who he is at this stage of the game. Going to your sessions put light in the dark corners of his life too. And he\'s coping the only way he knows how - rather than ask for help with a healthier way.
Still, it\'s not your responsibility, nor your therapy team\'s. I know I\'d prefer at least being aware, that something\'s not right with my brother, but being the person I am, I\'d have to get back to ME. Don\'t know if that helps you.
Yep, I know you\'re depressed. But remember too, how ill you\'ve been with infections. The antibiotics can amplify that sometimes, as they do their job. Plus the beating your body takes from infection. I\'m not dismissing your depression. Just reminding you that there may be more than that working on you, and try not to be discouraged.
I\'ll remind you as many times as it takes, HOW FAR YOU\'VE COME IN THE LAST YEAR. You reached and have been keeping your goals.
Just because things aren\'t feeling comfortable in other areas of your life, doesn\'t mean your goals don\'t count anymore.
They do.
And you count too.
Hugs and Mojo
Weebs
\"Still, it\'s not your responsibility, nor your therapy team\'s. I know I\'d prefer at least being aware, that something\'s not right with my brother, but being the person I am, I\'d have to get back to ME.\"
That\'s the way I feel. It almost seems like my brother has taken charge again, and everyone has forgotten that I\'m the one who is there to get help - not him!
Jim Sonetines I feel like you do I don\'t see my sisters all that often. We are not all that close. When I was a child I bounded with my parents, not my sisters. Because I was unable to do the things they could. Run and play and have friends like them. It has been very hard for me since my parents died, My sisters have their oun families and lives. I often feel isolated and depressed as well. We will hang in there together Ok? You are not alone in your feelings. many BIG HUGS-Stephanie
From how you write it Jim, I don\'t see Dale et al, siding with getting your brother well in place of you.
It\'s probably just in their nature, to show concern. It\'s their chosen vocation after all. They would probably treat a perfect stranger in the room with you the same way.
They know you\'re the man of the hour.
They keep asking after your overall health, checking to see how you are as you go through the sessions. They listen to YOU.
But they are also bound by ethics to do no harm to your brother too, so easing him out of the situation must probably be handled according to some system they have in place. Otherwise they\'d be liable, and that wouldn\'t do you any good either.
Please don\'t let your ingrained habits of fear and inability to trust mislead you here. Just know those feelings exist.
Don\'t always believe what they say.
You\'ve had to live with them so long, you don\'t know how the other options available to you feel.
More Hugs and Mojo
Weebs
\"That\'s the way I feel. It almost seems like my brother has taken charge again, and everyone has forgotten that I\'m the one who is there to get help - not him!\"
EXACTLY!
That is because your brother needs more help than you. Not that you don\'t need support but your emotional intelligence is off the charts compared to his. You know how to ask for help. You know what your problems are. You know the past was living inside of you. He knows NONE of this. He\'s just trying to maintain some sense of control. You learned very young that control is not achievable.
Weebs is right about how far you\'ve come.
I think you\'d be crazy if you weren\'t feeling depressed right now, Jim. This can\'t be a comfortable realization. You were hoping for closer family ties and that is not really what you are getting. You are getting the awareness as to why you didn\'t have close family ties before. Somebody wasn\'t capable.
I can relate 100% with the wanting to make changes but finding it overwhelmingly hard to do so. What is your first goal? Is it to move? That is mine. Perhaps we could try and encourage each other in this regard.
Gosh that Weebs is irresistable, isn\'t she ?
No wonder you are both good friends.
Pittsburgh looks pretty good, huh ??
I mentioned previously that it sounded like Lee was starting to crash and burn.
However, I do agree with Weebs..you ARE the man of the hour.
It is their nature and their occupation to want to help someone who seems to really need assistence.
Alhough I can understand your being frustrated and drained when your brother seems to bring the focus back to him and what he has to say.
He seems to need to be the commander and chief no matter what the situation...
It is your right to talk to Dale and your doctor and regroup your theraputic goals.
You may want to re-evaluate what you would like from family.
Being with Lee may have changed your viewpoints.
\" I need to make some changes in my life, but I am not sure what they are or how to go about making the changes. This is very frustrating to me. Add this together with my PTSD, and memories of sexual abuse, and you will have one very unhappy camper. I am not sure how much more of this I can stand, but I am not yet ready to give up and throw in the towel. There has to be some help for me somewhere! \"
You have faced many challenges over the past year and more.
You are a very important man who influences people that come into your life in a very positive way.
If not for you....there would be no ripple effect that reaches out and touches so many lives with insight, sensiblity and kindness.
It all starts with you.
Without your presence...it would all implode like a house of cards.
Of course, you HAVE seen that Christmas classic...\" It\'s a Wonderful Life \"
with...who ?? Jimmy Stewart...maybe.
We do not realize the importance and impact of our lives because we are too busy living it.
I do so admire your problem solving ability.
You always work through something from beginning to solution.
You will take a step backwards and view the situation.
Small changes and adjustments may make a world of difference.
What do you want ? How do you want things to be different in your life ?
Who do you want to be in your life ?
As I have said, you are a very important man.
You will make it happen...you will.
Don\'t give up...just slowly move away from the kryptonite. ( ??? ala Supeman shtick stuff. )
It zaps me every time, too