An Unhappy Camper

Friday, April 24, 2009 - 3:30 PM   Dale did call me about my brother. He and Dr. Martin are both worried about him, but they are not sure what can be done since I am the one they are seeing at the clinic, rather than my brother. Dale said he would have to talk to his superior about the whole situation. I am very concerned about my brother, because I've never seen him act in this manner before now. It is like meeting a complete stranger. I am not sure that I am up to this.   When I started getting help for my depression, that was not the way I envisioned it would be. I knew that the lack of family ties were part of my problems, but I also knew that there were other things causing difficulties in my life. I do not know if Dale is aware of this, but I am going to have to talk it over with him when I see him at my next session on Monday.   I know a lot of the signs of depression, and I seem to have many of them. Most of the time all I want to do is sleep. During the time that I am awake, I feel sad, lonely, and of little value to anyone. Although most of my family lives within half an hour or more away from me, I hardly see anyone except at birthdays and holidays. That is not exactly what I meant life to be for me here.   What is the use of my being stuck in a place that I could not stand? This is beginning to bother me a lot. Although I often feel that I would be better off dead than to be here, I am certainly not about to kill myself.   I need to make some changes in my life, but I am not sure what they are or how to go about making the changes. This is very frustrating to me. Add this together with my PTSD, and memories of sexual abuse, and you will have one very unhappy camper. I am not sure how much more of this I can stand, but I am not yet ready to give up and throw in the towel. There has to be some help for me somewhere!