an old rant so i remember

im feeling a pity partyi spent 4 years of my life working so hard to make something of my life that i didnt get a chance to do anything i missed my prom had no friends at school missed shirt signing day because i was up studying till 9 am.then i spent the next four years ruining my life and did nothing i missed color week i missed my batch farewell i never got the degree or the girl or the gangster repute. well i did get the repute but turns out its only cool in the movies nobody digs it anymore imagnie my surprise when i go beyond the point of no return and i realise i just jumped off a cliff needless to say it wasnt a pleasant fall, it felt like an angel falling from grace from the arsh i fell and i fell and i fell through the heavens and the cosmos through the skies to the earth and into the core. from demi god to leper in just 4 years who knew we lived just fickle meaningless existances.We are the middle children of history. No purpose or place. We have no great war, no great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised by television to believe that we’d be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars – but we won’t~ tyler durdan. of all the things i lost the things i miss i miss her the most. A serial womanizer, emotionally unavailable and cold as ice i was when i had her and now that shes gone i just wanna be with her. what about all those vows we took lying under the stars on those clandestine adventures on those hot summer nights carrie bradshaw once said where does love go after a breakup? I believe If you love someone then breakup with them the love stays with you ...it stays in your heart keeping the wounds open ....it flows through you like a toxin corrupting your mind as your soul shrivels up and dies, until you are no longer able to love or feel anything other than hate.when you havent slept in over 40 hours your mind starts playing tricks on you strange thoughts come to mind, visions of futures that could have been, hallucinations of past memories gone by. It feels so real so very real you can touch the memories its as if you are travelling through time one moment im lying under the stars with her tickling her with a blade of grass her giggles echo through my ears, the next moment im running from the men my mother sent to have me committed. I can feel my heart racing the fear, the betrayal, the anger, the sense of impending doom. perhaps thats what happens when your life is over I wonder if this is what the grave will be like, living moments from your life over and over. god my moms such a b*%$& i just spoke to her about giving me something to sleep better. she wont even listen gave me the usual bs about eating well and going to bed on time and all that goddammit i need to sleep i need pills. Iv been cycling through mania and depression very rapidly since ramadan has started. I wake up fine then i start getting manic slowly dont sleep for about 2 days peak my mania then crash into depression to the point where i just wanna kill myself and thats when i fall asleep i sleep like half a day or so and the cycle repeats itself when i wake up.end rant thank you for listening

Tyler Durden: *slaps the Narrator, throws away goggles* Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you, never wanted you, and in all probability, he HATES you. It's not the worst thing that can happen. Narrator: It isn't? Tyler Durden: We don't NEED Him! Narrator: *squirms* We don't - we don't - ! Tyler Durden: Fuck damnation, man! Fuck redemption! We're God's unwanted children, SO BE IT!