An Entry on my Facebook Page
As a result of great thought, I am writing this... For the past year, I have chosen to be in a state of solitude, often leaning more towards isolation, after experiencing an extremely painful death on October 7, 2013... My experiences in life have not always been easy nor simple... And, I know I have behaved in manners which were clearly not sane nor appropriate at any time... I do not look upon those behaviors without the lack of pain and remorse, because I know today they truly do not reflect the person I am in my spirit and in my soul... I know much more than many people realize I am aware of despite my distance... I know of the hurtful and vicious things which have been said about me... My tendency to observe rather than be part of has led me to be labeled a "snob"... I have felt very saddened to learn that... I have also felt very saddened to learn individuals with whom I have shared some of my deepest secrets have chosen to speak of them openly to others... I realize more clearly now than ever before, I cannot change the things I have done, but I can start my life from this moment forward... That is the choice I am making, just for today... If you are one of those individuals who have chosen to betray the confidences I have quietly shared with only you in my moments of profound pain, one who has actually found some sense of sick pleasure while I am at my worst, or one who truly does not have my best interests at heart, I gracefully ask you to back away... At this time in my life, I cannot bear toxicity in my relationships while slowly developing the ability to learn to create healthy boundaries, communicate openly and clearly with others, trust, and live again... It is so very easy for the words, "I love you" to be said with an insincere heart... As I asked, please back away and give me the grace and freedom to learn who I am today and to love myself despite my past, both in and out of recovery...
Replies
Yes unfortantly we can not change the past-they say we learn from our mistakes but that doesn\'t help much either,,,so all we can do is to LIVE. Keep living our lives to the best we can because life it too s hort and too precious to waste dwelling on what others think
Thank you annettearizona... I truly appreciate your feedback... I have been part of a group of people, the same group of people for years... I am learning more and more how toxic those relationships are and have been for years... Almost like a sick, dysfunctional family... Cruel and vicious at times... I am in a very intense phase of healing at this time and cannot bear to be subject to those things... I know who these people are and, in writing what I wrote, I asked them to back away... There is no need for confrontation or some tricky revelation... I just asked them to back away... I am working on my issues with my past and do not need to receive reminders by way of others who I know mean to inform me, not hurt me... I need to rebuild my circle of friendships very carefully, one at a time, and choose who I wish to be part of my life... Just because I have known some of those individuals for years does not mean I must remain in relationships with them... I am tired of the chaos, gossip, and betrayal... I need to focus on myself and not have individuals in my life who speak with both sides of their mouths... Yes, life is far to precious and I seek peace... Just peace... My heart to you...
I support you, Lila. Saying goodbye is difficult, but sometimes you have to let go of people for your own sanity. Let go with love, when possible. :)
Oh yes, thatwhichremains... I have learned to do that over time... Dignity and grace... I would be what I ask for... I try to offer the same respect...