An end to the year.

Hi All,  I have not posted lately and wanted everyone to know how much their support has meant to me theses past couple of months.  The Christmas holyday with the daughters and grandkid was great but also very sad. My Wife had put her wedding rings back on and I realized how much I love her, always have.  But there was a moment on Christmas eve when we stood next to each other looking at all the Santa stuff we had sat out, and we remembered all the loving years we had done that together before, at that moment I felt from the look in her eyes that it would be our last. (And to be open with all: I am having a very hard time writing this because of the emotions that it brings along with the tears).  This past week she has again replaced our wedding rings with a plain silver band. and has returned to being away from the house whenever she can be. When she is there she is cordial.  Remembering all the good times makes me want to withdraw back to where I was.  Since I was able to confront the Wife back in November she has not been as confrontational or verbally abusive, almost none. I am thinking "I put up with it for 23 years, Why should I destroy the good that was also in those years" it's very painful today, wanting to love her but knowing the intimacy and companionship I need, turns her stomach.  I can't beg anymore, and when I do go to her I hear all comments she has made to me through the years replaying in my head. I feel I will forever be a little messed up or a lot insecure now. I am feeling that what I have is the best I will ever have. And at my age maybe that is better than never finding someone else who wants to share our lives together.  Being completely alone and no one to even notice if "you've fallen and can't get up" (Hey I found some humor!) is a worse thought that living the life that I have had. Well enough of my pity party. I truly pray that all my friends here at DS find that walking a new path forward in 2011 is easier that what has been behind them.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.
RDC (WTconfused)