An End to Family Counseling for the Summer?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009 - 11 AM I had another counseling session with my brother yesterday.   Although my Access-A-Ride driver picked me up almost two hours ahead of time, I was still fifteen minutes late getting to my appointment. That was partially due to his having to pick up another client and drop that person off downtown. (Knowing where that person lived, might have helped my driver somewhat.)   The counseling session went well even though it ended with a surprise. My brother (Lee) waited until the session was almost over and then stated that he needed to say one more thing. I pointed out that he had promised not to continue waiting until the end of a meeting before saying something like that. He said that since it was summer time, he would like to discontinue with the counseling sessions until next fall. He added that we had been talking to one another, as well as e-mailing each other, and he thought that we were getting along much better and that our relationship had improved a lot.   Dale said it was okay with him if he wanted to take a break during the summer. Lee told him that since we were now getting along so well, he wanted to see what we could do on our own, rather than continuing with the counseling sessions. I agreed that we were doing better, but said that I would like to continue seeing Dale on a one-to-one basis, rather than stopping. Dale agreed to that.   Dale said he had been concerned about the feelings I had had of being abandoned in the past. He asked me if I was afraid that there might be a time in the future when my brother and sister might put me in a nursing home again,   I said yes, that I had been worried about that, but that I also had made some plans of my own in order to avoid that. I then told him that if that seemed about to happen I was prepared to go back to the first home health agency I was with because I knew that they did not like nursing homes, and that they had also promised that they would take me back as a client should the need arise. I added that both my doctor, and my social worker, would do everything they could to keep me out of a nursing home. Dale agreed to that as well.   Lee said that when I had been placed in a nursing home, they had not known of any other options for me. He added that they had not expected me to be there as long (one year) as I had been. He also said that he thought my niece, Kathy, had pretty much talked me into moving to Denver. I said that was true, and that she had said why not move there where I could be around people who would love me. I added that I thought sticking a person in a nursing home was an odd way of showing love.   It seemed to me that Lee was trying to justify why I had been placed in the nursing home. He did this partly by asking me if I hadn't been treated well there. I said that it had not been the case, and both Lee and Dale wanted me to explain that   I quickly saw that I had backed myself into a corner with only one way out, so I told them that I had been sexually abused while in the nursing home. Both of them looked shocked. They said that I had not said anything about that to them prior to this. I replied that I had not said anything because I knew there was a stigma about it   Dale said that it was nothing about me, but it was about the people who abused me. I told him that I was not going to talk with him, or Lee, about this. Dale asked if Dr. Martin knew, and I said that was the reason I had gone to see her in the first place. I said that I had talked with her about some, but not all, of the sexual abuse I had received in my lifetime.   Lee said that he had known about this sexual abuse I received from our mother, but not from anyone else. I did not make any response to that because the first time I ever told him about mother, he said that he believed me, but when we talked about it at a later time, he did not believe me. (I need to remember to tell Dale about this the next time I see him.)   I am not entirely sure that the relationship Lee and I have developed is a genuine one on his part. Dale told me that he felt that was a legitimate concern, and that he could understand it if I had some reservations about it. I feel that the only way I will ever know for sure is to see what happens between us during the coming months. When something like this happens, I always tell myself that I am prepared for anything, but usually find out that it is not really the case. I hope there are not any unpleasant surprises awaiting me this time.