Amicable but still a divorce
My wife and I are going through an amicable divorce. That means we are being nice to each other. There's none of the yelling, cheating, and hate that happens in so many cases that I read about on websites. She asked for the divorce in August. We moved on the divorce but then decided in October to put it on hold until after the holidays. Since then, I've moved into the guest bedroom.
Over the past few months we continue to live together and continue, almost as if nothing is happening. I get her coffee in the morning before I go to work. We do things with the kids together. She still does my laundry and the normal chores around the house, although I'm starting to take over more. She makes dinner for the family. We eat together and discuss our day. We go to parties together. We sit down at the end of the day and watch TV together and have drinks. We play games together. For Christmas we were both very generous to each other for gifts.
However, last night I was talking to my youngest daughter and she mentioned that Mommy was chatting the other day and said to her that "Daddy was stupid" because of some way that I had folded sheets or something. I didn't want to pull my daughter into the middle of something so I didn't follow up on the comment.
It's just a solid reminder that this is a woman who, while being nice to me, doesn't like me and wants me out of her life.
Over the past few months we continue to live together and continue, almost as if nothing is happening. I get her coffee in the morning before I go to work. We do things with the kids together. She still does my laundry and the normal chores around the house, although I'm starting to take over more. She makes dinner for the family. We eat together and discuss our day. We go to parties together. We sit down at the end of the day and watch TV together and have drinks. We play games together. For Christmas we were both very generous to each other for gifts.
However, last night I was talking to my youngest daughter and she mentioned that Mommy was chatting the other day and said to her that "Daddy was stupid" because of some way that I had folded sheets or something. I didn't want to pull my daughter into the middle of something so I didn't follow up on the comment.
It's just a solid reminder that this is a woman who, while being nice to me, doesn't like me and wants me out of her life.
Replies
I\'m so sorry for your pain. I know this is so hard for you and the kids, especially living in the same house w/someone who wants a divorce. If it helps to know, you did the right thing not following up on your daughter\'s comment.
It helps to journal on a daily basis. It also helps to keep a separate daily gratitude journal. It can help you focus on yourself and what is good in your life, even when you don\'t think there is any good.
Another thing I found helpful is writing her a good bye letter telling her all the things you will and won\'t miss about her. But do NOT under any circumstances give it to her. Instead, burn it. Write as many of these as you need to. It really does help.
Also, please consider finding a qualified counselor who can help you thru the grieving process. Sadly we must grieve by allowing ourselves to feel & honor our feelings in order to get past the hurt & pain.
~healing hugs~