Amazing How Wonderful One Phone Call Can Make You Feel !!!!

     You wouldn't imagine that just ONE PHONE CALL would make such a Difference, but it really does ! Very Much so, in Fact ! I hadn't heard from a " Good Friend " of Mine for awhile, and then suddenly He calls Me Saturday Night ! Talk about an INSTANT SMILE on My Face ! I'm sure I must have been Grinning from Ear to Ear while I was Talking to Him on the Phone. I had Missed His Voice... Missed Talking to Him.. Missed Him !I had Lost Touch with Him for a Long While because of My ExBf, and that's a Mistake I regret greatly. But it's something that I'm going to MAKE SURE NEVER happens AGAIN ! JEFF - My " Good Friend " - means the World to Me. I WISH JEFF lived Near Me, but Unfortunately He's in MAINE, and I'm here in Florida. I'm NOT going to let that Stop US, though.I hate it that I allowed My ExBf to be a " WALL " between Jeff and I, for so long ! I'd do Anything IF I could Turn Back Time, and UNDO that !!!! - among many Other Things. Since that's Not Possible, ALL I can do Now is make the Most of My NEW FREEDOM I have since My ExBf Left Me in September.It's terrible what You'll allow an Abuser to do, and/or Make You do, when You're caught up in Their Web of Lies, Deceit, and Empty Promises ! I pushed Away Someone that I knew deep down I wanted in My Life MUCH MORE than My ExBf, and Yet I pushed JEFF away for awhile because of My Abusive ExBF ! WHY did I do that ???? All I can see is that I was still HOPING BEYOND HOPE that My ExBf would CHANGE, and that Him and I would Work out SOMEHOW !!!!! PLUS, even though I knew My ExBF had a Definite RAGE Problem, was Extremely Unpredictably Moody, had a tendency to LIE whenever it suited Him, and would Emotionally & Physically Abuse Me over Nothing; STILL... in a Twisted Way... That was what I " KNEW " - what I was " Used to " - And JEFF was the " UNKNOWN " !I was Picking the KNOWN over the UNKNOWN, even though I Knew that the KNOWN was NOT Good for Me AT ALL ! NUTS of Me, I know !!!! Believe Me, I know ! At least, though... I Understand Now what I did, and I think Understanding what actually happened is a HUGE STEP towards COMPLETELY HEALING, AND CHANGING what will happen in the FUTURE ! I have to... and I AM... PROMISING MYSELF, that I will NEVER REPEAT THAT SORT OF BEHAVIOR EVER AGAIN !!!!! I can see Clearly Now that sometimes You have to Face the " Unknown ", and Reach Out for it, instead of Allowing Yourself to stay " STUCK " in the MIRE of an UNHEALTHLY, AND TOXIC, RELATIONSHIP ! JEFF I feel is Everything I've Ever been Looking For. He's such a Kind, Caring, Thoughtful, and Considerate, Man. He's My Teddy Bear. LOL Don't Worry, though.... I've definitely been " going Slow " with Him, considering that I've known Him now since I first talked to Him Online back in 2006 ! Soon after We talked Online, We started to Talk on the Phone, and things Grew Between US from there. There was Once, or Twice, that We could have Met in Person.... but My ON AGAIN - OFF AGAIN - TOXIC Relationship with My EXBF got in the WAY ! I should have DUMPED my EXBF for JEFF !!!!!! GOD I WISH I HAD ! IF I had, then I would have avoided getting not ONLY EMOTIONALLY HURT, BUT ALSO PHYSICALLY HURT, MANY TIMES !!!!!JEFF was so Incredibly Understanding, and Kept Trying to incourage Me to stick Up for Myself... and to get " HIM " to LEAVE ! BUT, I wasn't ready yet, I suppose... I was too Wrapped up in My EXBF's LIES, and DECEIT, to break Free yet !I WISH I HAD... SINCE IF I HAD, THEN I WOULD HAVE MET JEFF IN PERSON - FACE TO FACE - BY NOW !!!! PLUS, I FEEL THAT DEEP DOWN, I THINK I'VE TRULY LOVED JEFF ALL ALONG, EVEN WHEN I KEPT TELLING MY EXBF THAT I LOVED HIM !!!!! I think it was MORE that I Loved the MAN I wanted My EXBF to be... the MAN He ACTED like He was in the Beginning... but NEVER TRULY WAS !!!! I Loved an " ILLUSION "... NOT Who My EXBF really was ! BUT, JEFF... on the Other Hand had NO Reason to LIE to Me about Himself... I could hear True Sincerity in His Voice whenever We Talked on the Phone !JEFF and I have MUCH MORE in Common than My EXBF and I ever did ! So, I Have Real Hope for My Future Again.... I Have Hope for having True Happiness in My Life Again... But This Time, it'll be True Happiness that is NOT mixed at all with ANY ABUSE !!!!