Amazing...

I find this whole experience amazing...just nt in a good way. It's now been 5 months and 2 weeks since my Mom died. I can honestly say that things are no better for me at this point than they were in the beginning. There's a certain numbness that you have when it's all new. It's how you get through the mind bogglingly horrible things you have to do. That gave way to having to face the business of getting on with life. I have had to take care of her financial matters, as I am her next of kin in the area. It wasn't a pretty mess, and it's not near finished...the clean up I mean. Mom was an amazing woman with an amazing capacity to love others no matter what. She touched people to their very souls. She, like all of us, also had her private messes. I just hate how her death didn't resolve any of them.
I have been feeling very low of late. I can't seem to get out of the dumps so to speak. My daughter and I spend as much time as possible together. I am changing my job responsibilities to accommodate my family's needs. I am making necessary changes and still it seems nothing is easier or less painfull for me. I just pray I can get past this part without doing any damage to my family or friends and my relationships with them.