Am I strong enough?
I found out last month. My friend who broke the news says that I'm a lot stronger than ever. But sometimes it feels like I'm not. Sometimes I just want to cry.
Anyway, it's about my ex. He has a new girlfriend and for the first time I have to see it. I've been avoiding hanging out with my friends out of fear that he and her will be there, because again, am I strong enough to see them together? It hurts. I was still in love with him. I'm being forced to move on way before I was ready. Well, I was slowly becoming ready, but still....I wasn't completely there yet.
I've gotten into the habit of reading a lot. Mainly for the enjoyment of it (as it's always been one of my favorite past times), but also to escape. I'm a huge Nicholas Sparks fan and last night I finished reading his latest book. I have a lot of catching up to do with my reading, and I already know which book will be next. But deep down inside I wonder if I prefer a fiction life. My reality has been filled with heartbreak and regret and a mental illness that ruined the prime years of my life. And I think now, more than ever, I'll be lost in book after book (Nicholas never disappoints),
The worse part of my ex having a new girlfriend is that I have to be the bigger person and keep a smile on my face no matter how much I'm hurting. I can't possibly make a scene and somehow put a dent in his new relationship. I'll never be forgiven. Nor will I ever forgive myself. I'm always always hard on myself. Instead, I take it all out in writing. I write lyrics, and I have definitely occupied my mind with poetic words rather than on my heartbreak, then again, my best songs are heartbreak songs. Confusing? It's my outlet.
It's important to surround myself with my family and best friends. BUT, my closest friends and family are from out of town! What should I do? I can't just take off and hit the road no matter how much I want to. What would be my excuse? What will be my UNSELFISH excuse? In comparison to bigger problems, my reason to leave is weak. But I need something. New surroundings. A reconnection with old friends. The hope of someday finding someone new. But as of now, I have no one.
What now? Am I strong enough?
Anyway, it's about my ex. He has a new girlfriend and for the first time I have to see it. I've been avoiding hanging out with my friends out of fear that he and her will be there, because again, am I strong enough to see them together? It hurts. I was still in love with him. I'm being forced to move on way before I was ready. Well, I was slowly becoming ready, but still....I wasn't completely there yet.
I've gotten into the habit of reading a lot. Mainly for the enjoyment of it (as it's always been one of my favorite past times), but also to escape. I'm a huge Nicholas Sparks fan and last night I finished reading his latest book. I have a lot of catching up to do with my reading, and I already know which book will be next. But deep down inside I wonder if I prefer a fiction life. My reality has been filled with heartbreak and regret and a mental illness that ruined the prime years of my life. And I think now, more than ever, I'll be lost in book after book (Nicholas never disappoints),
The worse part of my ex having a new girlfriend is that I have to be the bigger person and keep a smile on my face no matter how much I'm hurting. I can't possibly make a scene and somehow put a dent in his new relationship. I'll never be forgiven. Nor will I ever forgive myself. I'm always always hard on myself. Instead, I take it all out in writing. I write lyrics, and I have definitely occupied my mind with poetic words rather than on my heartbreak, then again, my best songs are heartbreak songs. Confusing? It's my outlet.
It's important to surround myself with my family and best friends. BUT, my closest friends and family are from out of town! What should I do? I can't just take off and hit the road no matter how much I want to. What would be my excuse? What will be my UNSELFISH excuse? In comparison to bigger problems, my reason to leave is weak. But I need something. New surroundings. A reconnection with old friends. The hope of someday finding someone new. But as of now, I have no one.
What now? Am I strong enough?
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