Am I NUTS ?!?!?!?... Should have NEVER Taken Him Back YET AGAIN !
What the Heck is Wrong with ME ?!?!?! AM I NUTS, OR TOTALLY WHACKO, OR SOMETHING ?!?!? ... I'm thinking I MUST BE to have made the ALL TOO FAMILIAR TERRIBLE MISTAKE of Taking " HIM " Back YET AGAIN, this Past APRIL !!
I was FREE of Him ! I had My Precious FREEDOM in My Hands, and I Threw it Away AGAIN ! DAMN IT ! Is the Wiring in My Brain Defective ? I Wish I knew WHY on EARTH I FELL FOR HIS B.S. YET AGAIN ! WHY DID I EVEN LISTEN TO HIM ? I should have known that He hadn't TRULY CHANGED the WAY He CLAIMED - ( YET AGAIN ) - that He had !
Even when He said that IF I didn't take Him BACK that He would be " HOMELESS ", because He had NOWHERE ELSE to GO... I STILL should have Told Him... " TOUGH ! ", and told Him to Seek Out the Nearest Homeless Shelter, because I'm NOT running One ! Would that have been COLD of Me to SAY to Him ?? Would it have ????? I don't know... I guess there in lies the Problem. I'm TOO Soft-Hearted... TOO Much of a " PUSH -OVER " !
Even knowing that Chances were pretty Damn Good that He hadn't Changed, I just couldn't stand the Thought of Him ending up " HOMELESS " !
BUT... THAT WASN'T ' MY PROBLEM ' .. IT WAS ' HIS '... AND I'M NOT A CHARITY ORGANIZATION AFTER ALL..... WHY DIDN'T I THINK ABOUT ALL OF THIS WHEN IT WAS HAPPENING, AND I FOUND MYSELF SAYING.. " OH , OKAY.. COME BACK TO ME " .
I made an ATTEMPT at setting " GROUND RULES " for His RETURN.
BUT... I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THE ' OBVIOUS '... THAT HE WOULD HAVE AGREED TO ' ABSOLUTELY ' ANYTHING AT THAT POINT, AND IT DID NOT MEAN THAT HE WAS STICK TO ANY OF HIS PRETTY PROMISES !!!!
It maybe took Him all of ONE WEEK before I started watching His Pretty Promises FLY RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW !
NOW, He's been Back for Over 3 MONTHS, but it feels like it's been 3 YEARS !
It's been 3 MONTHS TOO LONG ! ... I CAN'T LIVE WITH HIS ANGER - RAGE - AND ABUSE... ANY LONGER !
I NEED TO GET HIM TO LEAVE.... BUT HOW ????? HOW DO I GET HIM TO GIVE UP A ' GREAT THING ' - basically, I just mean a Nice Apartment where He IS NOT Paying His Fair Share of the Bills.. No matter HOW He sees it, He really ISN'T Paying Much towards Expenses.
I even had a COP over Here about 3 Weeks ago, because that Day while HE was Out for a Walk, He had Called Me and He THREATENED ME.... SAID THAT HE WOULD ' BEAT ME ' IF I DIDN'T HAVE DINNER STARTED COOKING BEFORE HE CAME THROUGH THE DOOR ! I called the Cops over this, and I Regret it ! It didn't do ONE Bit of Good !
ALL the Cop recommended was for Me to go Downtown to the Court House, and File for an Eviction Notice to give to " HIM " ! AN EVICTION NOTICE ??!?!?!? TO THIS ABUSIVE JERK THAT IS NOT EVEN ON THE LEASE ??!!! HOW IS THIS FAIR ?
According to this Stupid COP, JUST BECAUSE ' HE'S " been getting MAIL here, I would have to have ' HIM " EVICTED, in order to FORCE HIM to LEAVE !!!!!
In a Very Sick, and Twisted Way, that ALMOST makes Me feel like it would be a LOT SIMPLER IF I just RISKED MY LIFE... and the NEXT TIME that " HE " flies into a RAGE, and HITS ME... I'LL CALL THE COPS, EVEN THOUGH ' HE'LL ' PROBABLY HIT ME EVEN MORE FOR IT.... MAYBE THEN I'LL BE FREE OF ' HIM ', WHEN HE GETS THROWN IN JAIL ??!?!?!?
I'm just SO FRUSTRATED over this ENTIRE MESS !
IT'S A MESS OF MY OWN CREATION... I KNOW THAT, OF COURSE... BUT KNOWING THAT MAKES IT EVEN MORE FRUSTRATING, SINCE I FEEL SO DAMN STUPID FOR TAKING THE ABUSIVE JERK BACK AGAIN IN THE FIRST PLACE !!!!!!
I was FREE of Him ! I had My Precious FREEDOM in My Hands, and I Threw it Away AGAIN ! DAMN IT ! Is the Wiring in My Brain Defective ? I Wish I knew WHY on EARTH I FELL FOR HIS B.S. YET AGAIN ! WHY DID I EVEN LISTEN TO HIM ? I should have known that He hadn't TRULY CHANGED the WAY He CLAIMED - ( YET AGAIN ) - that He had !
Even when He said that IF I didn't take Him BACK that He would be " HOMELESS ", because He had NOWHERE ELSE to GO... I STILL should have Told Him... " TOUGH ! ", and told Him to Seek Out the Nearest Homeless Shelter, because I'm NOT running One ! Would that have been COLD of Me to SAY to Him ?? Would it have ????? I don't know... I guess there in lies the Problem. I'm TOO Soft-Hearted... TOO Much of a " PUSH -OVER " !
Even knowing that Chances were pretty Damn Good that He hadn't Changed, I just couldn't stand the Thought of Him ending up " HOMELESS " !
BUT... THAT WASN'T ' MY PROBLEM ' .. IT WAS ' HIS '... AND I'M NOT A CHARITY ORGANIZATION AFTER ALL..... WHY DIDN'T I THINK ABOUT ALL OF THIS WHEN IT WAS HAPPENING, AND I FOUND MYSELF SAYING.. " OH , OKAY.. COME BACK TO ME " .
I made an ATTEMPT at setting " GROUND RULES " for His RETURN.
BUT... I SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THE ' OBVIOUS '... THAT HE WOULD HAVE AGREED TO ' ABSOLUTELY ' ANYTHING AT THAT POINT, AND IT DID NOT MEAN THAT HE WAS STICK TO ANY OF HIS PRETTY PROMISES !!!!
It maybe took Him all of ONE WEEK before I started watching His Pretty Promises FLY RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW !
NOW, He's been Back for Over 3 MONTHS, but it feels like it's been 3 YEARS !
It's been 3 MONTHS TOO LONG ! ... I CAN'T LIVE WITH HIS ANGER - RAGE - AND ABUSE... ANY LONGER !
I NEED TO GET HIM TO LEAVE.... BUT HOW ????? HOW DO I GET HIM TO GIVE UP A ' GREAT THING ' - basically, I just mean a Nice Apartment where He IS NOT Paying His Fair Share of the Bills.. No matter HOW He sees it, He really ISN'T Paying Much towards Expenses.
I even had a COP over Here about 3 Weeks ago, because that Day while HE was Out for a Walk, He had Called Me and He THREATENED ME.... SAID THAT HE WOULD ' BEAT ME ' IF I DIDN'T HAVE DINNER STARTED COOKING BEFORE HE CAME THROUGH THE DOOR ! I called the Cops over this, and I Regret it ! It didn't do ONE Bit of Good !
ALL the Cop recommended was for Me to go Downtown to the Court House, and File for an Eviction Notice to give to " HIM " ! AN EVICTION NOTICE ??!?!?!? TO THIS ABUSIVE JERK THAT IS NOT EVEN ON THE LEASE ??!!! HOW IS THIS FAIR ?
According to this Stupid COP, JUST BECAUSE ' HE'S " been getting MAIL here, I would have to have ' HIM " EVICTED, in order to FORCE HIM to LEAVE !!!!!
In a Very Sick, and Twisted Way, that ALMOST makes Me feel like it would be a LOT SIMPLER IF I just RISKED MY LIFE... and the NEXT TIME that " HE " flies into a RAGE, and HITS ME... I'LL CALL THE COPS, EVEN THOUGH ' HE'LL ' PROBABLY HIT ME EVEN MORE FOR IT.... MAYBE THEN I'LL BE FREE OF ' HIM ', WHEN HE GETS THROWN IN JAIL ??!?!?!?
I'm just SO FRUSTRATED over this ENTIRE MESS !
IT'S A MESS OF MY OWN CREATION... I KNOW THAT, OF COURSE... BUT KNOWING THAT MAKES IT EVEN MORE FRUSTRATING, SINCE I FEEL SO DAMN STUPID FOR TAKING THE ABUSIVE JERK BACK AGAIN IN THE FIRST PLACE !!!!!!
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