Am I getting better?

Hi journal... Now.. I really need to talk to this glowing page of appearing text. My solace, my silent listening friend. I haven't talked to you in a while.I need to know whether I am getting better I suppose is the question, I feel like I have less turmoil inside and when i write poetry it appears to be less negative and cutting deep. I have stopped dying my hair so often and I have actually been keeping busy with my hands and feeling less moody. GREAT! Only when I think i might be getting better and stop to reflect on it I am kind of seeing i'm not there yet...At uni I look at those really skinny girls and wonder why that isn't me? What am i doing so wrong? and how can I look like them. I shouldnt' compare but I really keep doing it. I feel so unattractive within myself that I am allowing this insecurity to be fed by these questions. It's not so easy to say that I'll be happy with how I look and done with it. To grow out my hair and to exercise really feels like i'm doing the hard yards and only putting more pain on the pain - that sounds like the wrong attitude to have but it's really difficult when you feel as though you want to just crawl into a hole and disapear and that your life lacks pleasure no matter what you do a lot of days. Wait, that sounds a little depressing lol. I don't feel as though I am depressed as such but I do feel that I lack sometimes and that I can't pin point my finger on what that lack is. Simply that it is I feel unattractive, over-weight and uncomfortable in my skin, which is very important to me to be attractive within. Sigh. I'm going to make myself go to the gym tommorrow. It makes me sad though, but I guess like anyone who has an addiction or wants to do an opposite behaviour- you do it because in the long run it might help you, not because it feels good. Now that's a principle I need to get also get in my head as far as chastity goes lol. But that's getting a little better here and there in my mind, in practice surely not there yet!