Am i depressed or sad?
As i have decided to write all my life in a book since yesterday officially. I tried to do it today but i could not put myself into it. Every time I tried today all the bad memories crawling back into my mind all of a sudden and i dropped the pen and paper and got scared. My Psychiatrist asked me twice in last 2 weeks that as I depressed or sad? And i replied what does that actually meant. And she said that do I feel like doing anything life. And I replied to her yes I do but now I feel i dont feel like doing anything right now. I have just started a goal, which I cant even start arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I am so mad at myself that i fail in very first day of my goal. SO to sum up my Psychiatrist question yes yes I am depressed. Believe it or not I could not write 5 lines on a page. I felt so bad, terrible and most of it scared as it hurts me to write me my own life. I want to do this for me, for my memory but i felt so scared and cried that why i cant put a paper of my life together. I have to do this again tomorrow and I think I have to be very strong to write this down. I want to write this book and finish it. Its now become must do thing in my life. I wish and hope that I get so much courage as I had when I went to my GP and told him all. I wish that my mind helps me write this book and not let me go down the same route I am trying to close. When I started writing all the pain just bounced back into my body and I felt a cold air going through my body. Its almost that body had an anti reaction to it. It may well be that I have kept my body sleep for so long that its not accepting the change in me so quick...Anyway I will try this again tomorrow if get time to do so..Right now I fee sad and feel that I have let myself down by not completing a whole page so I am depressed and angry with myself but hopefully tomorrow maybe the better day for me....??))))