am I crazy?
Funny thing when I look at this site....I feel guilty. There are all these people who are so worse off than me...I mean I'm pretty functional.....so I feel like I should feel more lucky. On the flip side...this illness bugs the heck out of me! Am always afraid they're going to fire me for calling in to work, afraid to go to another job because of firing. Hate not knowing my limits anymore. In college I could slug through anything...then came the age of 26 and the floor dropped out! THUNK!
Ironies of ironies....hubby has been complaining of me being "not happy" and is blaming it on my being on this site! The only place I really sometimes get to vent! Gee, do u think it could be the whole hubby not employed, losing medical insurance in two months, don't know if we can live on unemployment, thing that is looming over us??? He doesn't get it. He can manage to have this casual "what'll be be" attitude until something goes wrong which he blames on his "luck". I can't. I stress. I always know the reality of the situation and what the worst case scenario could be. I try to be positive for my mental sanity but sometimes it is really hard.
Anywho...I'm going to end this mininovel that is dripping with sarcasm! Maybe change my mood with some mahjong after I change the tile types. (The one I played last night looked ridiculous!)
Moore later -- Genny
Ironies of ironies....hubby has been complaining of me being "not happy" and is blaming it on my being on this site! The only place I really sometimes get to vent! Gee, do u think it could be the whole hubby not employed, losing medical insurance in two months, don't know if we can live on unemployment, thing that is looming over us??? He doesn't get it. He can manage to have this casual "what'll be be" attitude until something goes wrong which he blames on his "luck". I can't. I stress. I always know the reality of the situation and what the worst case scenario could be. I try to be positive for my mental sanity but sometimes it is really hard.
Anywho...I'm going to end this mininovel that is dripping with sarcasm! Maybe change my mood with some mahjong after I change the tile types. (The one I played last night looked ridiculous!)
Moore later -- Genny
Replies
i\'m sorry. He will never understand and is only blaming things on you being on this site because it\'s private from him and he\'s jealous! I hope you have a good day and are better at mahjong than I am lmao!
Thankfully, I have an understanding husband who also experiences pain on an almost daily level. I think we all consider people who are worse off than we are. It\'s called compassion. The problem I come across is people who feel they are worse off than I or people who want to defend all those out there who are worse off than I. I get many internet \"haters\" who feel it\'s their place to tell me to quit whining and get on with life. If I had more life to get on with, then that might work. I cannot help it that I am depressed over dying sooner than I ever imagined. I cannot help being depressed over leaving my husband broken and alone, a widow at age 37, his very first marriage, left to take care of mourning, my dementia striken father and our three-year old - all alone! There is no family to help - most have died already. There are no jobs to support the family. There is no insurance to help with health. Everything is truly pitiful, bleak and hopeless. But I\'ll be damned if I\'ll feel guilty about shring with others, here and on my blog,just because someone, somewhere is worst off than I am. I have compasion in my heart for them, and I even share with them when I can - but guilt. The only guilt I feel is leaving my poor hubby alone to deal with everything while I cut out early to the funeral urn.
I get into this train of thought, too. There are so many people out there worse off than me; who am I to complain? Hey, you\'ve got pain, too!! And pain is a subjective thing. The only person who can tell how you feel is you, and you have to be gentle with yourself. No beating yourself up is allowed!
As for your hubby, I think he needs to grow up a bit. It sounds like he\'s always had a safety net to catch him, and so he always expects something to save him when he falls. Blaming luck or anything but himself shows that he\'s not taking responsibility for his own life. Making you feel bad for trying to manage things is wrong. You\'re trying to make sure you\'ll be able to eat! He should be grateful for your forward thinking! I have no advice for how to deal with him, just keep reminding yourself that he is different from you, and that doesn\'t mean you\'re less than he is. Yours fears are valid. Your feelings are valid. If he won\'t listen, that\'s what DS is for! *HUGS*