Am I being punished?

I was thinking about the events leading up to our accident. I had to take Jarrett to school, come back finish all my house work run back to school pick up jarrett, load up the car, feed the kids, finish the laundry and take my online exam for school all in a 6 hour time frame. I was overwhelmed and annoyed with my husband because he wouldn't take the day off. When he got home I started a fight, complaining that I have to do every thing for the kids with no help and I never get any time to my self, I never get the chance to be alone with my husband. Summer is coming and I'll have both boys 24/7. While trying to finish school.... What was I thinking throwing a fit over being with the kids. Did god hear me and say " Okay, if they are too much to handle I'll take one back!"????? Now I'd give anything TI have my Jarrett here fighting with his brother, collecting his rocks , watching TV, cuddling with us on the couch, climbing into my bed in the morning...,I don't think I can survive years away from my son. My husband made a comment last night, he asked me if I thought Jarrett would recognize us even if we die old. I told him I don't intend to stay that long, once jonny is old enough to become an adult, my job here is done.