Always trying

I really do try to eat and exercise healthily, and i try to not think about all the thoughts that come along with an eating disorder and instead try to live my life. The thoughts thing never works, unfortunately i just cant stop them.  But i seem to be able to eat ok and exercise ok for a few day at a time, the most i seem to manage is 4 days, and i feel happier in those days and wish i could just live like that always. But it never works out that way, i always end up binging and then fasting and over exercising to compensate. i would love to be able to stop the cycle but i dont know how, everything i have tried has failed.  Some times i wish i could just not eat again, but then i realise that is how all this started.  Unfortuately yesterday was the end of a good healthy four days and today the bad has continued. i wish the four days would be long. I wish i could just live.