always a worry...

Although my husband and I don't believe he's using - the side effects of the former usage are really taking its toll.  T-Man got a second chance - found out he can graduate on time from high school if he buckles down.  Well, he certainly is not doing that, whatsoever.  He is behaving like a kindergartner - wanting to play after school (he goes to the park to play pick-up football) and "doesn't  have any homework".  He claims that the usage fried his brain and is having a very difficult time forcusing, understanding, and concentrating.   So rather than seeking extra help (because it's too difficult), he's avoiding just about everything - regarding school.  Because of this mindset, he is far from taking school seriously and, at this rate, he could fail.  It's very, very frustrating.  I know it's not healthy to project - to worry about what might happen - but the fact is.... If he continues on this path, and fails (making himself feel even worse), he could start using again.  I try to not to go down that path - I have no control over it - a waste of time.  I must focus on the positive because he is clean (as far as we can tell) and I pray that this continues.   Last night I was at the high school raising money for suicide prevention.  Funny, even though it rained last year, we made the exact amount of money this year (which wasn't much).  No one registered for the Walk, either.  The whole concept of the suicide prevention, or just the thought of suicide, really makes  people very uncomfortable.  The expressions on many of the people's faces indicate that as they walked by our tent.  I felt very uncomfortable myself.   One "dear" friend (or so I thought) is an emergency room doctor.  When I sent him a few e-mails asking for a donation he sent a long e-mail telling me that he and his wife, being in the profession he's in, he's inundated with thousands of donation requests and, therefore, he cannot donate anything because he's already chosen what he wants to give to.  Normally,  I would truly understand that, but we have a history with him.  He knows what we went through with our son, J.  He also knows the struggles we've had with T.  My husband was his son's soccer coach for years.  We go way back.  Not too long ago, we ran into them at the art gallery I taught at (same place my husband volunteers at) at a concert they had there, and a "hat" was passed around to help raise funds for this non-profit art gallery.  Right in front of me he puts in $5, saying it is ashame people don't give more for it.  It felt like a stab.  Even last night he greets me with a handshake!  Since when do I get a handshake!?  Maybe it was my body language sent off vibes.  I don't know.  My husband managed to get a dollar from him.  It isn't at all about the money.  I can't help but take it personally.  It hurts.  BTW - I did send a very nice reply to his e-mail - thanking him for letting me know where he stood. His e-mail bothered me, at first, but l did get over it - until I saw him last night.  To me, the hugs and kisses I used to get now seem very fake.  I don't consider him a friend anymore.