Almost two years,

Well I'm coming up on my 2 year "Anniversary" of my back surgrey,finding the humor in it helps me deal with it lol. Something new has been happening and I dont know if its cuz the date is coming or what but recently Iv been waking up in the middle of the night screaming,crying and shaking and all thats in my head is my surgrey..my mom will come in and see whats going on but I cant even talk I just sit and cry and all I can think about is the fact that people cut me open and drilled stuff into my spine.I know it sounds stupid and no duh they cut me open but I finally got to the point that it doesnt pop into my head every second of the day but now its waking me up in t he middle of the night.I feel like I'm going crazy! I'm sure I sound like Im going crazy. My Birthday is three days after my surgrey date and I cant seem to think about my Birthday without remebering my surgrey.Some days it just seems like an old faded memory that I'v tried to forget but then theres those days that it pops in my head and it feels like it was yesterday. It seems like everyone around me has completly forgotten about it,like it never happend but it still a big part of my everyday! I wouldnt wish back surgrey on anyone but sometimes I wish I could give them the memories,the scar and the pain so they would know how it is.