Almost a year

It's almost been a year since the divorce was official. The past haunts me everyday I am not able to get closure as I know that the the fault lies in both of our actions. I did not handle things well. I honestly feel like if he really was involved I have fault in that because I broke up our family and maybe he felt like he had nothing to lose. I don't know  how to make these thoughts go away. We are not together on any official note and any love interest that comes along is going to understand me or my feelings for him or situation. Lord I don't know where to turn, my heart hurts. I need to be held an allowed to feel my feelings but I don't want to be perceived as weak. Why should it even matter, everyone says he is my ex for a reason....