Almost 2 years
It's been a while since I've been on this site. I was never one for journaling but I’ve found, especially in the beginning, how helpful it is sometimes to write down what you're feeling.
With that said, it's almost 2 years for me without my hubby, Randy, and some days I feel like it is day 1. I’ve found I am not the same person I was, how can I be when part of me is missing, but I am starting to see the light and am starting to like the new me. I know I'm healing because I don't cry everyday, I go days without crying, and that amazes me. I have more and more days that I smile when I think of him. My heart is still and will always be broken but the physical pain has eased.
My children have been so supportive. We’ve always been close but so much more since Randy is gone. They keep me grounded and force the focus of my grief off of me and back on them because I am and always will be their Mom and they need me. Yes, they are adults but they are grieving and miss their Dad just as much as I miss him. When we get together we talk about Randy a lot. We tell funny stories and try to laugh. My son says he has no bad memories of his Dad (other than him being sick of course) so it’s hard not to laugh when thinking and talking about his Dad. It just hurts that no more stories and fun memories are being generated.
The best help I’ve received during this grief journey is my grandson Sean. He is the light of my life. So full of innocence and joy…LIFE! I see a lot of Randy in him … his humor and silliness. He talks about his Pop and how he misses him. I’m sorry he didn’t get more time with his Pop. I’ve made it my mission to keep Pops memory alive for him, telling him stories and mentioning that “Pop loved the smell of fresh cut grass just like you Sean”.
I've also been volunteering every week. Again trying to keep the focus off of me and my grief. It has helped, keeps me busy, fills my day. But sometimes I feel like I'm so busy helping others and improving their lives that I'm not doing anything for me. I guess this means I'm still trying to figure my life out!
How to heal a broken heart? I don’t think there is a way. It gets easier…that dreaded word “time”! But it is very true, time does help. Will I ever forget Randy? NO Will I ever stop loving him? NO Will he always be part of my life? YES So with time, the pain will ease. With time, the heartache will ease. With time, I’ll see him again.
Two years and still so fresh. I miss you, my honey, more than I can say. I’ll love you till the end of time.
With that said, it's almost 2 years for me without my hubby, Randy, and some days I feel like it is day 1. I’ve found I am not the same person I was, how can I be when part of me is missing, but I am starting to see the light and am starting to like the new me. I know I'm healing because I don't cry everyday, I go days without crying, and that amazes me. I have more and more days that I smile when I think of him. My heart is still and will always be broken but the physical pain has eased.
My children have been so supportive. We’ve always been close but so much more since Randy is gone. They keep me grounded and force the focus of my grief off of me and back on them because I am and always will be their Mom and they need me. Yes, they are adults but they are grieving and miss their Dad just as much as I miss him. When we get together we talk about Randy a lot. We tell funny stories and try to laugh. My son says he has no bad memories of his Dad (other than him being sick of course) so it’s hard not to laugh when thinking and talking about his Dad. It just hurts that no more stories and fun memories are being generated.
The best help I’ve received during this grief journey is my grandson Sean. He is the light of my life. So full of innocence and joy…LIFE! I see a lot of Randy in him … his humor and silliness. He talks about his Pop and how he misses him. I’m sorry he didn’t get more time with his Pop. I’ve made it my mission to keep Pops memory alive for him, telling him stories and mentioning that “Pop loved the smell of fresh cut grass just like you Sean”.
I've also been volunteering every week. Again trying to keep the focus off of me and my grief. It has helped, keeps me busy, fills my day. But sometimes I feel like I'm so busy helping others and improving their lives that I'm not doing anything for me. I guess this means I'm still trying to figure my life out!
How to heal a broken heart? I don’t think there is a way. It gets easier…that dreaded word “time”! But it is very true, time does help. Will I ever forget Randy? NO Will I ever stop loving him? NO Will he always be part of my life? YES So with time, the pain will ease. With time, the heartache will ease. With time, I’ll see him again.
Two years and still so fresh. I miss you, my honey, more than I can say. I’ll love you till the end of time.
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