All the Best to You, Markee

I still can't help but feel guilty by not talking with you in those final days in the hospital when you were on your last leg, about how I didn't want you to go, but I didn't want you to suffer anymore either...oh well, I didn't want you thinking I was already writing you off, so I kept my mouth shut about the eventuality of your demise, which was probably the right approach.  God, man--I still miss you.  Trying to be happy, but there's always something missing...YOU!  But, no guilt from the "other side" LOL...hope you're doing well.  I'm generally enjoying life.  Trying to cultivate friendships.  Thought I'd be happy with just sex as some sort of band-aid to cover my aching heart, but, nah--I need that warm cush of friendship too, someone who enjoys all the same things we used to--movie marathons, working out, racing cars...gonna trust others until they give me reason not to, just the way you did.  It's amazing how you were everything I'm not (or haven't been).  You were always totally open, generous, trusting, plunging into the deep end as far as sexual love head-first, damn the consequences!  I have been more measured, not as trusting, not as ambitious with the ladies, but it's leaving me alone, and not sure if I like that.  Jewell seems cool; I think I'm gonna let her into my heart, as a friend right now, no pursuit of sex yet...letcha know how it goes.  Had to pull the plug on our workout sessions with her as my fitness trainer--was honest and told her that I simply couldn't afford it!  She called and wants me to help her jump-start her car tomorrow, and I told her, sure, I can do that.  Don't have a lot of money, but I do have time.  We'll see if she takes a mile if I give her an inch, or if she is respectful of my time, energy and resources.  Talking with a really cool woman I met here on this site who is into talking phone sex, and God--she is good!  Then there's Kelly, my Vietnamese ex, who contacted me again, not into sex, just wants to be friends.  Maybe a composite of all 3 of these women will yield some sort of positive arrangment, a liveable, loveable happiness-!