All kinds of thoughts and feelings....

Well, I just read my last journal and realized that God is so good.  This past weekend was really stressful and rough- as I knew that I had to get in for all of our tests and didn't know how that was going to happen when in this journey we have to get tested on particular days.  Monday morning I woke up pretty stressed out, knowing that I had to call the Dr.'s office before heading off to teach summer school.  I started calling at 7:30 when they open, but still got their answering service, so I really started stressing- I have to be in my classroom by 8:00 and jumped to conclusions that it wasn't going to work out.  However, on my second attempt to call the lovely receptionist answered and was so helpful.  I explained that I was coming down to my Day 3 tests and that DH needed to get his analysis redone by them as well-  She understood our need to try to "kill two birds with one stone" when I explained that we lived an hour away and didn't want to make three trips in one week (I also need to get my ultrasound re-done by the new RE to check for cysts).  She was wonderful and said that they could squeeze him in at 1:00-  Yeah!  I also was able to make my appt for the ultrasound for next Monday instead of having to take off from summer school for a day and lose the $80 I make each morning.  I prayed that God would let everything work out, and He surely answered those prayers.  Everything went pretty smoothly for us on Monday with the blood work and DH sample.  It was actually perfect timing because the Dr. office had left a messege Monday morning with test results from a culture they did at my last appt so I was able to just meet with the assistant to get those results.  They found some kind of bacteria that they want to treat.  Apparently it isn't a big deal and most Drs. don't treat it- (2 weeks on antibiotics for both me and DH  to make sure we don't keep giving it back and forth to one another)- but the physian's assistant said that they have found that by treating the bacterial infection when trying to get pregnant they have seen people have an easier time getting PG and also a lower miscarriage rate.  It was perfect timing with my appt. because we got our prescriptions right away and could get started on the antibiotics right away.   Now I am just waiting for Monday, which will be day 10 of my cycle, for the ultrasound, and then we get to make an appt. to discuss what the Dr. finds and our options for treating my PCOS and in turn, hopefully get us pregnant.  I am feeling a lot better about this new clinic and Dr., and in turn am very hopeful. Now onto the venting..... Still having a hard time dealing with all of the pregnant people in our lives and new babies that are being born.  SIL still isn't talking to us, and hasn't since January when her IVF worked.  My BIL has talked to DH a bit, but only from work- I think he has been told not to talk to us because he only does when he is not with her now.  The babies are due in the next two months I think- never was told their actual due date- and don't even know how to act about it.  Our family reunion is coming up on August 15th and we aren't sure they are coming, but if they do and she doesn't acknowledge me or talk to me- not sure how I will react.  The 15th will also be my 29th birthday, so yeah- happy for me I know that I will be stressed out the entire day.  If she does talk to me- how do I react to her after her hurtful email and actions the past 7 months?  How do we even make amends if she is finally willing to?  Last time the family had a falling out it took a two hour phone call in which there was a lot of yelling and condescending talk done by her and DH's brother to us.  Last time I listened finally let it roll off of my back- but this time, she has hurt me so that I don't know if I can let what she has done just roll off my back.  DH and I have talked and he said we need to be the bigger people- which I agree- but I also have told him that I will not live the rest of my life this way, having to walk on pins and needles around them in order to please her.  She has always needed to be the center of attention and has always had to have the bigger and better things.  When DH and I got engaged- she was upset because she didn't a ring first.  Within a month she had wined to my BIL enough that he bought her a 3 1/2 carat diamond ring.  When my MIL "Didn't get excited enough" about their engagement, my SIL didn't talk to her for almost three months.  She also had to get married before us because "she is older and should be married first"- straight from her mouth.  On my wedding day she wore white- which ticked me off, but I let it go- knowing full well she would have had a fit had I done that to her.   As a Christian, I know I need to turn the other cheek each time she does something to hurt me, but when is enough enough???  I constantly get worked up about her.  DH tried talking to his brother about it and said that we would like to sit down and work things out, but he flat out said that there is nothing to work out- I hurt them by not getting excited enough for them when they got PG and he doesn't know how she can get over that.  That was it- three weeks ago when we went to dinner with the family BIL wouldn't even acknowledge me or respond to me when I tried to say hello and make small talk.  I hate being stressed about this- hate the anxiety I feel about what is going to happen over the next few months and through the holidays already.  AAHHHHHH!!!! 



Hi Honey!

First let me say..GOD is GOOD!! I am so happy everything worked out with your appt! You are well on your way of being treated for your PCOS and well on your way to your BFP!!! That is great!

Second of all...I am not sure I remember what happend with your SIL....I will look back in your previous journals and see if you said anything about it. I know it is hard not to stress about everything with her but DO NOT let her get to you and stress you out!! You are already stressed enough about this IF stuff and you do not need to worry about her.

Believe me I am the exact same way as you!!! You probably hate all of the tension between you all and you probably want everything to work out. But just remember...not everyone is like that and some people love the drama! Your SIL maybe this type of person and no matter what you do she is still going to be that way! So why waste your time with her! I say let your DH talk to her and your BIL and let him do the fighting and yelling (if that is what they do). You focus on YOU right now and nobody else!!

Just pray and everything will work out :)

Much Love!

I am so happy to hear that everything is going so well with your new RE. I praying so hard that God gives him the wisdom and guides him to find the right diagnosis and treatment for you. I am so optimistic for you.

About the SIL, family situations are so difficult because you can\'t just entirely eliminate them from your life. Through my own family issues, I have realized this truth. No one can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission. I know it is so hard when people who don\'t deserve it are getting blessed and then they totally forget what it was like to be in your place. But, while you can not control her actions and words, you can control how you allow them to affect you. Focus on your journey and don\'t worry about her. Whenever negative thoughts about her creep in , I would make myself do something or think about something else. THinking about her is only going to stress you out and mess up your hormones. She is not worth that! I know the big problem is those family functions when you can not avoid being around her. I would go to the family function mentally prepared that it doesn\'t matter if she does or does not talk to me. I would focus on the people that are going to be there that make me happy. Spend most of my time with them. I would say hello to her and be polite (be the bigger person). If she tried to be nasty, I would just say, \"Today is a day for having fun with our family not for confrontation\" and walk away. Realize that when someone behaves the way she does, others pick up on it (sounds like your MIL already saw her true colors). This means, as long as you are polite, that they will know that the problem is her not you.

Stay positive and happy. I am praying for you.

First, you faith is such an inspiration to me. You are so strong and I truly admire that.
I am so happy that everything worked out for you with all your tests! I will keep praying for you.
As for your SIL, that is tough. Like you said, how much can you take? It seems like she is always doing this to your family. I think if they are at the family reunion you can make your attempt to be friendly (since you are such a good person) but if she is not willing then let it go. You have so much going on right now that you do not need that stress added on to it.
Just keep your great positive attitude and faith that you always have!