all good

update, august 9, wow, last slot bet 4/10

i think about my escape only thru flashbacks, it comes, i feel it, i let it play in my head, i move past it, over and over

even though i have tried to quit - i didnt have the same clarity as i do now, i want to gamble, that will never go away, but i cant handle the emotional hangover, its crippling

i have money, not alot, but i can go and lose it and get on w/my life, but i got to the point, where, although i miss the money and kick myself for losing it, its the pain internally that is far worse, and thank god that horrific feeling goes away, but then i have to go day to day w/the losses, the grieving and the shame.

no way, no more, it shakes me to the core.......the pain, thank god i stopped

my bday is 8/16, i have never NOT gone to a casino, well im going to dinner/beach/bar/friends, done.....safe, sound, and sane