I can not move past my ex. Something in my heart wont let me. I have always gotten very attached to my boyfriends in the past, but I feel that since this one was my first real "adult" relationship, I can't let it fail. My persistence is hurting me. He is unhealthy and abusive and I only choose to see and remember the good. Maybe I think I am not worthy of anything better, or maybe I truly loved him. All I know is when he ignores my calls and texts and calls me names, it hits me to the core. All of the good things going on in my life don't matter/ it's just him. I place all of my self worth in him. I've tried therapy, journaling, just plain stopping communication and it just wont work. Someone help me! I threaten him with taking my life. Which is unhealthy and makes me look crazy!! But I am not even trying to get attention, it has become and option to me. The pain is overwhelming. I feel like he used me these past two years, and now hes bored and done with me. I try and question my thoughts, like why I place my self worth in him and can not figure my way out of it. I am hoping this will pass as I have SO much to look forward to. I am moving to California in May, and it scares me but I feel like I need to put physical distance between me and him. Why do I even care? He doesn't care about me. I feel pathetic, truly pathetic and hopeless. Need to go back to focusing on improving myself.