alone

I can not move past my ex. Something in my heart wont let me. I have always gotten very attached to my boyfriends in the past, but I feel that since this one was my first real "adult" relationship, I can't let it fail. My persistence is hurting me. He is unhealthy and abusive and I only choose to see and remember the good. Maybe I think I am not worthy of anything better, or maybe I truly loved him. All I know is when he ignores my calls and texts and calls me names, it hits me to the core. All of the good things going on in my life don't matter/ it's just him. I place all of my self worth in him. I've tried therapy, journaling, just plain stopping communication and it just wont work. Someone help me! I threaten him with taking my life. Which is unhealthy and makes me look crazy!! But I am not even trying to get attention, it has become and option to me. The pain is overwhelming. I feel like he used me these past two years, and now hes bored and done with me. I try and question my thoughts, like why I place my self worth in him and can not figure my way out of it. I am hoping this will pass as I have SO much to look forward to. I am moving to California in May, and it scares me but I feel like I need to put physical distance between me and him. Why do I even care? He doesn't care about me. I feel pathetic, truly pathetic and hopeless. Need to go back to focusing on improving myself.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Sweetheart, he\'s not capable of love...based upon reciprocity. He\'s only capable to receive praise.

From that perspective, you need to see this and to realize that you are lovable and that things are going to work for you, in the long run.

Here for you. I didn\'t realize your struggles.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sweetie, you\'ve got deep-seated problems going on here. I think your decision to move is a wise one, but be sure you have a plan in place as to what you are going to do once you get there. You MUST get back into therapy, but the key there is finding the right therapist. If you weren\'t happy with the one you saw, try someone new. I understand you are in very bad pain, which doesn\'t make for the best decision-making. Just KNOW this, He is NOT good for you and never will be. Time will ease the pain, but I think you need more than just time passing. You need help from professionals to move on, and find someone who IS good for you. Never ever take abuse of any kind from any one. That\'s rule number one. Rule two is if they do it now, they will continue to do it. THEY DO NOT CHANGE. Ask yourself if this really is how you want to spend what time God has given you to be on this earth. Your first step for improving yourself is making a clean cut from this man. Do it symbolically if you have to. Anything you have of him (photos, little gifts, etc.), take them and burn them and watch them burn, and see it as that part of your life gone. No answering phone calls, emailing, texting, whatever. Distract yourself quickly with something else ifyou are tempted. And find that good therapist. This can be done, truly. Keep telling yourself that he is NOT stuck to you with glue.....you can get away from him. I wish you the very best of luck! And don\'t forget to get God in on this, He will help.

Beckeroo
deleted_user
deleted_user

Well, it\'s a good thing you\'re going to CA. you do need distance! And there are some HOT men in CA! Look how pretty you are and smart! Go on and be hurt because life does that to us! People get their feelings hurt.. but believe me he ain\'t the only fish in the sea. I met mine when I was 31 and married him when I was 41! C\'mon sweetie, cry it out and move on.. Bigger and better out there i\'m tellin\' ya!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hi Hun- I don\'t know you- but I know this pain all too well. I know how suffocating it is. How intense, real and painful it is to feel so connected to someone that feels like they have your every breath in their hands. I know how it feels like no one \"\"GETS\'\' how serious you are that HE feels like the only important thing. I suggest a book that helped me understand my actions- and made me feel less alone. It is called \'\' facing love addiction- giving yourself the power to change the way you love by- Pia Mellody\'\'.
Its the intensity of him that you are addicted to- not \'\' him\'\'. That is why those acts of threatening to take your life come out. This book calls it emotional bombing. You just want any kind of attention or reaction from him- GOOD or BAD. Even that bad feels better then no attention at all from him. Knowing logically that you are doing something that is going to make you feel bad \'\' look crazy \'\' and we do it anyway- just because it gives you relief in that moment. Its a hard long road to self esteem. I Promise you that he is not as powerful as he feels. Its that you have given him that power- but you can take it back. Even if he was being a nice guy- its not good that you feel like his validation makes you important. Its that lie we are feed from when we are little girls that this night in shinning armor is going to save us. WE SAVE US. Its a long hard road- but its worth it. You are young and beautiful and are worth love.

GOD doesn\'t give you the people you want, he gives you the people you NEED, to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be..


I know the one thing that will stick out is that you need him- but he has already taught you the lesson you needed and that is another human shouldn\'t have that much power over you and YOU have the power to love yourself. That no one can take from you.
sunsets1386
sunsets1386

You all have helpdd me,in this moment.
deleted_user
deleted_user

The forces driving you toward this harmful man are forces that have come from somewhere else in your life and not from the allure of this person.

It\'s easy to think this person is going to solve these hurts, but from what you describe, he can only make things worse for you.
sunsets1386
sunsets1386

You\'re completely right. I think it stems from the abandonment of my adoptive father. It was a deep pain I don\'t ever really think I dealt with fully or genuinely. It hurts now to see things with.him for what they are but I\'m hoping it will help me. It sounds so selfish but all my life I\'ve only worried about others. It\'s time for me. Hence my decision to move to California. I need to seperate my self from all of this here. Will my problems be gone when I wake up in CA, no. But they will be less in the fore front of my mind and every day life. Thank you all for the help. I\'m so tired of believing what others tell me abt myself as fact
deleted_user
deleted_user

I always tell myself and others: \"Define reality and stick to it\".

Yes, you must stop the reinforcement of harmful behaviors...from wherever they come.

You cannot possibly heal when the fowls of the air eat your seed corn.