Ahhhhhh!!!!!!
Before we talked the D word, I was afraid to say what was on my mind, I didnt want my stbx to be upset at me, things were not good and I didnt want to cause arguments. But now, what the hell, I dont have nothing to lose. We were talking today and I said he was ahead of me to be able to start a relationship and he asked why and I told him cause he already had sex with somebody else while married, he fell in love with somebody else and apparently was ready to be a stepdad. I told him that I made a personal choice, I can date but I choose not to, I can have meaningless sex with somebody else if I wanted but I chose not to. He says he is not interested in a relationship right now either (OW is out of the picture) but I told him that now that he can, that he is really free to pursue whoever he wants to why not? He said even if he is ready or wants to he can't cause he is in the military and he would get in trouble cause he is still legally married. I dont know why that made me mad, he is not moving on cause we are still legally married and he can't really move on, he is not really free to move on, makes me wonder if he still interested in OW but can't do anything cause we are still legally married and he can get in trouble, since this started I have been sad but not upset, I was done been upset but today I guess he really touched a button, I'm so mad and frustrated right now!!!!! It feels like he is blaming me for him not been able to have a relationship with OW, for been on the way of his happiness. I wish I can say fuck him and been done moving on!!!!! But I'm not there yet - ahhhhh - I wish I can just get a knife and cut this feeling out so I can stop loving him and a brain surgery to remove him and the memories out of my mind.
Replies
RE: I dont know why that made me mad
Maybe this is why: He said even if he is ready or wants to he can\'t cause he is in the military and he would get in trouble cause he is still legally married
It didn\'t stop him before No?
I used to wish got a concussion and forgot some stuff too. You will get there. I\'m getting ready to celebrate my second anniversary divorce. Life is good. (((HUGS)))
pissed me off too... if he was so worried about getting in trouble why the heck did he do it anyway??? best of luck to you. hope you feel better and realize he is a jerk!
it didnt stop him before but I out them out to their respective supervisors when we were trying to work things out cause the bitch kept texting and calling him so he might be afraid that I might do the same. I did it them cause I wanted the bitch gone and we were still trying and I had hope, right now it will hurt but we are not \"together\", legally married but done, with a heart and a soul crushed and broken. Thanks :)
i know how you feel. it\'s hard when the one you love betrays you so badly, i am sorry that you are hurting, i feel exactly the same way. soul crushed and broken, but if we hang in there, we will recover from all of the hurt. hugs!
STBX has also tried to blame me for his affair. I can\'t even remember the lame arsed excuse he gave me--something about not supporting him enough--which was a total joke. By support, he meant that I should have stopped holding him accountible for his lies and the chaos and confusion he created. I expected him to live up to a commitment of marriage, which he was not, and I held him accountible. He intrepreted it as I did not support him enough. That definition belongs to him and he has to accept what his truth is for him and what it allows and does not allow.
I just looked at him and said \'\'I will not take on responsibility for your choice.\'\' Then I went on to say \'\'let\'s get real. I have never been as lonely as I was in the marriage. I am alone now by choice while I work on me and I am not lonely. If anyone had reason to step out of this marriage, it was me--you left me home night after night while you were out drinking and with other woman. I was lonely. However, I chose not to step out of the marriage, you did more than once. I will not take responsibility for your choices. They belong to you alone.\'\'
I think it was then that he began to realise that I had indeed changed permanently and for the better--at least for myself--not necessarily for him.
You will also get there. It took me one year of really hard work to be able to say that to him. Keep working on yourself. Right now, it seems impossible, but it is not.
Eventually you will find that it is pointless to try to reason with him. Best to just move on. Focus on you. Your heaing. Your recovery. You life.
((((HUGS))))
Misred, you read my mind. Was going to say the same thing...didn\'t make sense to me how he could cheat but not now because he\'d get in trouble. It didn\'t matter enough to him then, but all of a sudden it does?!!
Big hugs