Ahhhh...much better.
Today is so much better. It's amazing sometimes what 24 hrs can do, a small gesture, change in attitude or talk with a friend can accomplish. During our morning phone call my H finally asked me the question I had been expecting- "What do you want to do about Valentine's Day?" Granted it's 3 days away, but I expected that from him since he is a "last minute" guy. I then calmly explained my emotional state regarding the next few days. The OC turns 1 tomorrow and our son's 2nd birthday is on Wednesday, so that situation is crushing enough. I told him my emotions regarding the Valentine's Day before our son was born- he said he understood and offered to just skip it this year if I wanted to ignore it. We decided to take our children out and make it a family event instead of a couples event. However, I did mention to him that in lieu of a cheap, store-bought greeting card he could write me a personal note. We will see if that happens. I asked him if there was anything he would like from me and he said to just "have a good day". I wasn't sure how to take that, I will give him the benefit of the doubt and try to see it as him being thoughtful of my emotional state instead of him being selfish because when I'm a basket case, it makes him get anxious.
On another note, I was given a nice analogy last night, that I wanted to share. My rough emotional state yesterday continued into the evening and I really needed a pick me up. I hate constantly calling my 3 closest friends that are good listeners and burdening them with my woes but I really needed the help last night so I broke down and called one of them. We had a good conversation and I felt much better after I hung up, I knew I just needed a kick in the rear to climb out of my "pit for the day", one thing she said to me really hit home though. She said she had been asking herself "Why amy?" Why did this have to happen to her, why did she get stuck with a crappy husband who has hurt her this way, what is she supposed to be learning from this? And she said she finally found the answer- that maybe the question wasn't "Why did God give Amy this husband who has drug her through this mess?"- but that God gave me to my husband to get him through his mess. I have been looking at it that God has given me this trial in my life- my adultering husband and his illegitimate child- in order to teach me something, make me stronger, whatever and instead I could be looking at it as God has given me to my husband as a blessing to help him through his trial. Interesting perspective.
On another note, I was given a nice analogy last night, that I wanted to share. My rough emotional state yesterday continued into the evening and I really needed a pick me up. I hate constantly calling my 3 closest friends that are good listeners and burdening them with my woes but I really needed the help last night so I broke down and called one of them. We had a good conversation and I felt much better after I hung up, I knew I just needed a kick in the rear to climb out of my "pit for the day", one thing she said to me really hit home though. She said she had been asking herself "Why amy?" Why did this have to happen to her, why did she get stuck with a crappy husband who has hurt her this way, what is she supposed to be learning from this? And she said she finally found the answer- that maybe the question wasn't "Why did God give Amy this husband who has drug her through this mess?"- but that God gave me to my husband to get him through his mess. I have been looking at it that God has given me this trial in my life- my adultering husband and his illegitimate child- in order to teach me something, make me stronger, whatever and instead I could be looking at it as God has given me to my husband as a blessing to help him through his trial. Interesting perspective.
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