Ahhhhhh!!!!!!

Before we talked the D word, I was afraid to say what was on my mind, I didnt want my stbx to be upset at me, things were not good and I didnt want to cause arguments.  But now, what the hell, I dont have nothing to lose.  We were talking today and I said he was ahead of me to be able to start a relationship and he asked why and I told him cause he already had sex with somebody else while married, he fell in love with somebody else and apparently was ready to be a stepdad.  I told him that I made a personal choice, I can date but I choose not to, I can have meaningless sex with somebody else if I wanted but I chose not to. He says he is not interested in a relationship right now either (OW is out of the picture) but I told him that now that he can, that he is really free to pursue whoever he wants to why not? He said even if he is ready or wants to he can't cause he is in the military and he would get in trouble cause he is still legally married.  I dont know why that made me mad, he is not moving on cause we are still legally married and he can't really move on, he is not really free to move on,  makes me wonder if he still interested in OW but can't do anything cause we are still legally married and he can get in trouble, since this started I have been sad but not upset, I was done been upset but today I guess he really touched a button, I'm so mad and frustrated right now!!!!! It feels like he is blaming me for him not been able to have a relationship with OW, for been on the way of his happiness.  I wish I can say fuck him and been done moving on!!!!! But I'm not there yet - ahhhhh  - I wish I can just get a knife and cut this feeling out so I can stop loving him and a brain surgery to remove him and the memories out of my mind.