AH HA

AH HA moment So until the last few weeks I have been telling my self things like.. ."If I do this then she will not have blah" Or "If I say that she will do this" But in the last few days I have been saying "I don't care what she thinks" "Im not concerned with how this affects her" So Why was I doing that before? I think I was still in protective mode. Thinking of her feelings or worried how it would affect "Us". I think I may have slightly turned a corner where I don't have to think anymore how something affects her. I don't have to care. And most importantly I don't have to feel bad for not caring. I think this thinking started with her accident. I was confused on how to feel and was not sure what to do. Now I realize I don't have to do or say anything. I don't have to worry about it any more. It doesn't affect me any longer. I knew this but I didn't real FEEL this till very recently. I know im not fully there yet. But this afternoon I just sat in my car and thought. AH HA... I don't have to feel bad for not caring. She certainly isn't. Why am I? I have been concerned she would be upset if I did BLAH. But I don't have to feel bad. I don't have to care. I just do what I want for me and the boys and that is all. I don't have to consider her anymore. It feels good