Agonizing heat

Agony. That's how I can describe best how I feel. I look at myself in the mirror and think "you should go back to bed". I've been in bed for so long though. And I'm sooo tired of it. It's so hot and humid lately. I'm miserable.

I'm still a bit anxious about the crime in my apt complex too. I already felt paranoid living here. I'm not even sure why. I'd probably be paranoid living anywhere these days. This is the safest neighborhood I've ever lived in. It's the safest one in town and stuff still happens here. I'm not so naive to believe that it'll be perfect anywhere. It's just unsettling. 

I've been doing some more research and keeping myself busy even if I've hit a lull as far as creative writing goes. I still journal or write something every day. But nothing coherent or concrete is coming out. I'm just enjoying reading every moment I can focus on a book. 

I keep thinking of dying. Not like wanting to die or anything. But feeling like I'm dying. I keep thinking about family members dying too and I wonder if I'm just freaking myself out or if there's something to it. August approaching is freaking me out for some reason too. Like I'm waiting for something to happen. And soon. 

I'm just doing my best to relax. Take it as easy as I can. I feel pretty useless physically and I hate that too, but what can I do. Just deal with it, as usual.